Amazing Race
Whatever It Takes To Win

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Miss Alli: A | 4 USERS: A+
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The Guidos are evil

On with the show.

Previously on Upchuck, Outplay, Outlast: Camels were depressed, and they showed it. The Guidos were pains in my behind. Amie was sick as all-get-out. Driving around in the Sahara Desert with no idea where you're going didn't turn out to be as much fun as it sounded like it would be. Guido bickered, as did Momily, Danza, and just about everybody else, at one time or another. Team Cockroach got really lost. No, REALLY lost. Like, send-out-a-search-party lost. Once they were found, they were eliminated, proving that even Cockroaches don't actually live forever. (And just as they were beginning to grow on me, too.) Insert your own "once was lost, now am found" Amazing Race joke here.

Credits. Music from the upcoming film, Cutthroat Ping-Pong. (Q-Rob, on the credits: "I love how we're practicing law in our apartment. And there's me, saying, 'Why, thank you, Brennan, for pointing that out in this book, that's very interesting!'")

Even more vomit-inducing camera work than usual greets us as we come up on this week's episode. Phil reminds us that we last left the contestants at an oasis in the Sahara desert, and then he sings the Same Old Song about rules and flags that he sings every week. He explains that while the teams were at the oasis, they heard that a sandstorm was approaching, and that it might be a good idea to haul ass before everybody got swept away like the cast of Dorothy and Toto of Arabia. They were evacuated to another town, and now they're being let go again as they would have been at the oasis.

2:24 AM (sheesh, brutal timing!). Kevin and Drew open the clue, which tells them to go to the Palace Hotel in Tunis. How far? Three hundred miles (there's that Standard Taxi Distance again). First task is to find a cab, and there aren't many. Drew and Kevin stand on a very dark street, and Drew comments that while this is a "very dead street," it's also "the main street." Kevin: "If this is the main street, we're in big trouble."

2:46 AM. Team Guido leaves. As they walk down the street, Bill says, "Do you see Kevin and Drew?" (Incidentally, let's just call that Team Guido Obsesses Over Other Teams, Part 1.)

Kevin and Drew, meanwhile, are wondering whether wandering the streets is actually such a hot idea. There look to be no cabs, but they don't know what else to do. In an interview, Team Guido comments that "the other competitors are realizing that they haven't played maybe as smart as we have." (TGOOOT, Part 2.) Cut to Bill, saying to Joe as they walk down the dark street, "It's nice to be back in civilization again, isn't it?" Right on, ass, because those people out in the Sahara Desert? The ones dancing and singing and partying while you pouted in the shade? They clearly are "uncivilized." Sometimes I wonder whether Bill realizes that he's talking out loud, and that other people can hear him besides Joe. Maybe he thinks that the matching outfits give them magical powers to speak only to each other.

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Amazing Race

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