Amazing Race
What Happens If I Slip? Am I Just Hanging Off A Cliff?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
Don't read 'em and weep

Previously on The Bald and The Beautiful: The green hills of Scotland gave way to the red wine of Portugal. Bunching gave way to even more bunching, which gave way to a nine-way tie. Portuguese kids stayed up past their bedtimes to kick stuff at the teams, and viewers at home sent numerous emails to CBS asking where they could sign up for that gig. Alliances were abandoned as the end of the leg approached, and when all was said and done, it came down to getting from the soccer stadium to the pit stop. The clue said to "walk," but Heather and Eve thought that under some interpretations that are acceptable in Louisiana (where everything is different because of Napoleon), "walk" might potentially be read to allow you to take a taxi, so that's what they did. As it turned out, Bruckheimer's minions take a very strict, pinched, overly legalistic view of the word "walk," under which taxis were not acceptable. Heave was eliminated. It was all the cameraman's fault. Ken and Gerard said, "YAAAY!" but I'm sure it wasn't because Heave was eliminated. (I have to say that, usually, I don't go into a lot of detail about the production of the previouslys, but the part this week where the teams all read the "walk" clue -- which goes, "Walk to the pit stop!" "You must walk!" "You must walk!" -- has not only a biting wit, but also a lovely rhythm. Nicely done. On the other hand, I remain sad that my favorite piece of incidental music -- The Horns Of Perseverance, which goes, "BLATBLATBLAT BLATBLATBLAT BLATBLATBLAT BLAT!" -- has apparently been relegated permanently to the previouslys.) "Who will be eliminated..." Birds fly south for the winter. "…tonight?"

Credits. Although diesel passenger vehicles make up less than two percent of all passenger vehicles in the United States, they now make up nearly one-third of the new vehicle sales in Europe. One spilled gallon of gasoline can pollute 750,000 gallons of water. The official language of Morocco is Arabic, but business and government are often conducted in French. As of this writing, it is 55 degrees in Fez, and the relative humidity is a comfortable 58 percent. [BOMP.]

Drunken cameramen careen around Lisbon. Finally, they are able to get away from their distractions and focus on zooming in over the waters of the Tagus River, up to the Torre de Belem. Phil reminds us that this was the fourth pit stop on a race around the world. He is in an army-green button-down shirt that makes him look like he might be in jail. Phil, are you in trouble? Do you need bail money? Drop me a line. I don't have any money, but I'd visit you and bring you a little clue envelope with a file in it. Anyway, because we don't want the teams to be starving, tired, and antisocial -- well, not any more than they are already -- it's time for them to Eat, Rest, and Mingle. The E/R/M montage is really short, but we are treated to a really unattractive shot of Michael eating. Which is not really his fault, because scarfing down food on a deadline is not a recipe for looking hot. Zach goes to sleep on what looks like a senior center's rec room couch. Interestingly, over the talk of "mingl[ing] with the other teams," we see only Aahab talking to each other and Michael and Kathy hanging out with each other. Perhaps the interteam mingling isn't what one might hope for. From what we know of them, I would think all the HugeTinies would be hanging out and talking smack about their teachers and planning the senior prank and all that good stuff. But I guess they're distracted by the clues, the envelopes, and the tragic speed addiction of the Exposition Hands. You know, the ripping sound effect when EH opens the envelope is much more obtrusive than usual this week. I think they have a new sound guy, and he loves the ripping sound. He's all about the ripping sound. He's a slave to the ripping. Phil wonders whether Aaron and Arianne will dig their way out of the cellar, and whether Teri and Ian will once again suck slightly less than someone else and thus avoid being sent home yet again, much to the dismay of those of us who would like to see them take their act on the road back to their own home.

2:29 PM. Ken and Gerard prepare to depart. The clue tells them to get to the westernmost point of continental Europe. My God, THANK you. Now that is a "clue." I've been having a hard time referring to "Go here, stupid, using this method of transportation, and please try not to run over anything or accidentally choke on your tongue" as a "clue." Phil explains that what the teams need to find is Cabo da Roca, which is only twenty-two miles away. You'll notice that the Cabo da Roca promotional department isn't exactly hiding the ball about being the westernmost place in continental Europe. It has a big sign on it that says, "PONTA MAS OCCIDENTAL DO CONTINENTE EUROPEU." I bet it's popular for honeymoons: "Well, honey, this certainly is the westernmost point in continental Europe! Want to neck?" Gerard and Ken find a shady spot under a tree, and Gerard unfolds a big map. As he locates the spot on the map, Gerard voices over that the other teams are starting to figure out that they indeed might be a slight threat. Well, yeah. You'd think they might be beginning to catch on, even if they're not that bright. Which most of them aren't. Among other things, this team shows one of the signs of really strong racers, which is that whenever there's another bunching, they usually manage to come out in front. Gerard locates Cabo da Roca on the map. Ken asks if they have to fly, and Gerard says it's too close to fly. It is during this sequence that I notice something very sad, which is that Gerard's hat says, "Team Oh Brothers!" Yes, with exclamation point. Eeew.

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Amazing Race




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