Amazing Race
What A Gaucho You Are

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Horses, horses, horses, horses

On the lead train, Gretchen is explaining again that Patrick and Susan didn't make it on the same train with her and Meredith and Ray and Deana. At 5:35 PM, they hop off the train in Tigre. Meredith and Gretchen get a taxi to the docks, while Ray and Deana choose to walk.

According to the captioning, Patrick and Susan are only three minutes behind as they get off the train at 5:38 PM. They head down toward the docks. Gretchen and Meredith, meanwhile, get out of their taxi at said docks and pull the clue for the Detour. They choose the island. Ray and Deana and Susan and Patrick are both running toward the clue boxes. As Susan and Patrick approach, they spot Meredith and Gretchen and realize they're not ahead the way they hoped. And Ray and Deana are approaching as well, and Ray is none too happy to see the "oldsters" out ahead of him. Susan and Patrick and Ray and Deana essentially get to the clue box at the same time, and both teams decide to do the island. Before long, however, Patrick and Susan's boat dies. "That was the end of Patrick and Susan," he declares, because the best thing to do at a time like this is definitely to quit. Quit! Immediately!

Ray and Deana keep looking. Meredith and Gretchen keep looking. Deana asks Ray if he thinks they should go another way. "No. I'm confident; don't second-guess me anymore," he declares. God, that is such an unsettling dynamic. They find the island, which is a good thing, because I can't stand to watch them anymore. And then as they're leaving, they run into Meredith and Gretchen. Deana makes a gesture with her arms that seems to suggest that they haven't found the thing yet in that direction, so Meredith and Gretchen resolve to follow Ray and Deana, even though Ray and Deana are actually heading back to the dock. Very foolish. "These people don't belong in this game with us," Ray flatly states. Because he is a big, big jerkweed. He needs to be sprayed with Jerkweed-B-Gone. Or hit with an edge trimmer.

Patrick and Susan are floating, floating in their boat, and she is encouraging him not to give up yet. "I don't know why you would want to stay in," he says. She doesn't get what's with the attitude. He gives her all sorts of "whatever" nonsense as they climb into their replacement boat. Apparently, Patrick has also never seen the show, and therefore doesn't know that if there's one thing you can know, it's that you never know.

Meredith and Gretchen are still following Ray and Deana, but now, they're beginning to figure out that something is amiss. "Sweetheart, I'm baffled," Meredith says, and Gretchen agrees. "I think we need to turn around," she says. And elsewhere, Susan is still trying to find the island and asking Patrick which way he thinks they should go. "I don't even know, you know? Like, don't ask," he says. She points out that they need to keep going "if there's any inkling of hope." Which is very true. "Mom, there's no inkling of hope," he says, showing all the pluck and stick-to-it-iveness of an eight-year-old who doesn't learn to play "Chopsticks" on the piano on the first try and thus concludes that music is stupid and besides, he would rather be a ventriloquist.

Ray and Deana's boat. "I'm not losing to a 70-year-old man and his wife, even if it were checkers." They get out of the boat and get a taxi to the pit stop. Meredith and Gretchen, meanwhile, get to the flag and realize that they were right at it before when Ray and Deana got them turned around. "I guess he was lyin' to us," Meredith says on the way back with the clue. "It's part of the game," he says, which it doesn't have to be, obviously, but which it sometimes is. I think following people is so foolish at this point that it's hard for me to choke out a lot of sympathy, but Ray is still a jackhole. I mean, he's a jackhole because he is one, not because he diverted them when they tried to follow him, you know? Meredith and Gretchen get a cab. Susan and Patrick finally find the island and get their clue, Patrick complaining the entire time about how "stupid" it is. Susan and Patrick get a cab. "Let's just get this over with," Patrick snots. I wonder if he's met Flo.

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Amazing Race

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