Amazing Race
We’re Not in Oklahoma No More

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 73 USERS: A-
Chile in the Air
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

As usual, we're starting off somewhere in Los Angeles -- or possibly outside it. It's hard to tell, because we're in some backlot Old West town that may have been the same one used for Kid Nation. (It's actually not; that was in New Mexico.) There are old-fashioned storefronts, tumbleweeds blowing down the dirt street and cowboys on horses. Phil narrates, "It's high noon and the tension is rising. This old Western movie ranch will now serve as the Starting Line in a race around the world." Teams are being driven onto the set in stagecoaches that are being pulled onto the set by squalling horses at full gallop, as Phil continues, "Today, these eleven new teams will get their chance to win one million dollars, and The Amazing Race. That's if the money isn't stolen first." Wait, what? Suddenly the actors on the set are punching each other, running around and shooting as the coaches rattle into place. But it's all just time-wasting stage business and nothing to do with the race, as Phil announces, "The eleven teams areā€¦"

Chester and Ephraim, who are former NFL teammates from Houston. So obviously they're rather large men. We see them in their normal milieu -- i.e. an empty football stadium -- running around and telling us that when they were both attending San Diego State, Ephraim shopped at a grocery store where Chester was a bagger and suggested Chester try out for football, so they were already friends when they ended up playing together in Houston. "That never happens," Ephraim says. "I made him who he is today." A silent, glowering person?

Rowan and Shane are "theater performers from North Carolina." The two middle-aged guys, one of whom looks a bit like an American Ricky Gervais, get out of their stagecoach. They're both wearing T-shirts with bingo-related slogans, which we learn is because they perform as two old women in a play called The Queen of Bingo. If I'm ever in North Carolina I'll be sure to miss that.

Tim and Marie are "exes from Morristown, New Jersey." Marie, who has striking blonde-and-pink hair that I'm sure wasn't fancied up for the race, narrates that they dated about five years ago and they don't get along, but still hang out. We're supposed to conclude from their at-home reel that they "hang out" in the gym a lot and practice kickboxing, but that's obviously code for how they're still hate-fucking. Marie interviews, "The second we start to get on each other's nerves or disagree, and it's unbearable." Good, that'll be fun to watch all season. Tim asks her why he feels threatened by his opinion and she angrily says that she doesn't and that his opinion is usually a waste of time. So it's too bad they've broken up because they clearly deserve each other. Tim says Marie is smart, witty, aggressive and a great teammate. "Her violence kind of turns me on, I'm not lying." But Marie says they might realize in the first leg that their fighting might destroy them. Okay, so why not save some time and realize that now?

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Amazing Race




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