Amazing Race
We're Not At Charm School Learning How To Be A Gentleman, We're Racing

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
To sleep, perchance to scream

Millie, in the middle of losing her ever-lovin' mind, has her face out the open window trying to stay awake, and she is explaining for the camera that they're hunting around for the plantation and having trouble, because there are actually quite a lot of palm trees and plantations in the area. Chuck tells her there's a sign coming up, and he needs her to look at the map and tell him where to go. She begins to truly break down right about here, as she tells him that she can't read the map and he needs to help her. This despite the fact that he's, you know, driving right now. If he started looking at the map at this point, they wouldn't need one anymore, because they would quickly find themselves nestled upside-down in the top of a tree. Surrendering to their confusion, they stop, and Chuck hops out and asks a local for directions. He honestly looks like he would rather experience an all-in-one bikini wax/root canal procedure than walk up to strangers and talk to them, but you know what they say about desperate times. Apparently, he didn't get what they needed there, because the next thing you know, they stop and ask somewhere else, to no avail. They stop again, and as Millie gets herself ready to go talk to the people -- which is clearly just more than she's up for -- Chuck tells her, "Go, go, go -- fast, please." She looks like an ad for Abject Despair at this particular moment. "Chuck, I have to figure out what I've got here, okay?" She sniffs and clambers out of the car. They wind up in a café, trying to get directions from a guy in there. Soon, they are on the road again, and lost again. "You tell me," Chuck says. "I feel like we should go back to the main road." "I don't know," she says unhappily. You know, this always happens -- by the time people get in trouble, they're so unhappy that I can't even enjoy their misery. I think I lack killer instinct.

Team Who arrives at the Detour site and spots ClownJon and Al loading nutbunches into a wheelbarrow. They do not, however, put together that the clue is right there in the other wheelbarrow, so they drive right by the clowns, thinking the clue is farther down the road and they'll be coming back. The Gong of It's Over Here, Dumb-Ass chimes loudly as the Amazing Editors bring you a quick cut to the clue-laden wheelbarrow. Before you know it, a confused Team Who is back at ClownJon and Al's location, and David is leaning out the window. "Hey, dudes, where's the clue?" he says. They point him toward it. Again, the boys drive right by it. David leans out the window again. "Al! Where?" he calls. "The wheelbarrow!" the clowns call back. Said wheelbarrow, incidentally, is about four car lengths behind David, in full view of the camera, as he's having this conversation. "What -- the first wheelbarrow?" David says, pointing way down the road. Yet another clue shot -- It's Over Here, Dumb-Ass! GONG! Al voices over that sometimes the boys travel so fast that they miss what's right in front of their faces. In front of their faces? Pshaw. I'm not sure they'd see the wheelbarrow if you inverted it and put it on top of their heads at this point. You'd hear nothing but their yelling as it reverberated off the metal walls of their tiny prison. "What wheelbarrow (barrow, barrow, barrow)?" Anyway, they finally find their way to the clue, voicing over that Jon and Al were "really helpful." Yeah, no kidding. Otherwise, they would still be looking to this day. They, too, select the Haul option.

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Amazing Race




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