Amazing Race
We're Not At Charm School Learning How To Be A Gentleman, We're Racing

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
To sleep, perchance to scream

The Chipsters note that as they pull away from the lagging virgins and Who, the clowns remain close on their heels.

Not close on anyone's heels are Jon and Kelly, still wandering aimlessly at the hot springs. They're frustrated, but so far, they're not losing it too badly, although Kelly seems to want to stop climbing up hills until they have a better idea what they're doing.

Out on the road, the Chipsters are in the lead, and ClownJon is staying on them. "I won't lose 'em," he says, trying to puff up his own confidence. He gestures toward himself. "From New York." Trying to avoid being whapped in the noggin with his own karma, he then laughs and says, "Famous last words -- now I'm gonna lose 'em." Heh. Sure enough, before long, the windshield fog roars up, ClownJon slows down to take swipes at the fog, and the Chipsters leave them behind. It's good to see a guy who understands how race mojo works, even if he can't resist sabotaging his own.

Things get tense in the Who car (no, really!) as Jeff starts to ride David about the speed. "Dude, you got speed limits at ninety, you're going eighty." "Dude, fuck off," David says. He then voices over that sometimes, when it's tense and you're worried, you accidentally come to life and appear to have a pulse and biorhythms and everything. Okay, he doesn't. He says that at these times, "the bad may come out." He tells Jeff in the car that Jeff should be navigating rather than nagging him about speed, and Jeff comes back with, "Dude, you've gotta just lose the attitude." "I think you need to fuck off," David repeats, "because I can't go any faster than the car is gonna go, and I'm doin' it in fifth gear right now." You know, if they couldn't swear or use the word "dude," they would sound like Tarzan. I didn't think we'd ever see a team that used the word "dude" more liberally than Esquire, but I do believe the crown has been swiped. At least we haven't heard "Let's boogie." Feh.

The Car Of Millie, Losing Her Ever-Lovin' Mind. Chuck is trying to drive and stay awake, while Millie is actually nodding off in the back seat, a dollop of straggly hair falling across her cheek. She wakes herself up. "Are you gettin' sleepy?" she asks, barely able to form the words. "Just talk to me," Chuck says somewhat desperately. Her head continues to sink dangerously toward her shoulder as she tries not to fall asleep. "Just think of something to talk about and I'll talk about it to you," she says, forcing herself to mutter out a few words, but unable to actually carry on a conversation, let alone come up with a topic. They drive by several cows in the road, but it's hard to imagine what they look like to Millie and Chuck's hallucinating minds. Big, soft beds, I suppose. Chuck voices over that he was "extremely tired" while he was doing the drive, and that they both haven't slept much for two or three days. Millie points out that in addition to not having slept at the pit stop, she stayed up the previous night in Singapore calling airlines to get an hour and a half advantage -- which is, of course, now completely gone. So that's two consecutive nights with no sleep. And that is insane. I've tried to proofread documents having had no sleep for one night, and it's pretty much impossible. Trying to run around and figure out maps and follow clues after missing two consecutive nights? No. I actually had the thought during this sequence that they would never let the teams drive drunk, I don't think -- I'm interested in whether there's a point at which they wouldn't let this continue, because it seems to me that Chuck should not have been driving on winding roads at this point. Were I his camera guy, I would be calling my loved ones and scribbling a will on my sleeve.

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Amazing Race

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