Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Curse You, Red Baron!

Walking to the battlefield, he-Jordan wonders, "Should we pretend like the enemy is chasing us and walk a little bit faster?" Dan's up for that, and they start running. "They're right behind us, suh," Jordan dorks, like a kid playing make-believe. Dan tells him to shut up. Thank you, Dan.

Carol and Brandy, meanwhile, are distracted by the Red Baron flying twelve feet off the ground -- and Carol's unraveling foot-wrapping -- and find themselves getting passed on foot by the Cowboys. He-Jordan calls ahead to Dan that he can't keep up the pace Dan is setting. Dan reminds Jordan that running was his idea, and Jordan yells that he doesn't want to any more. "It's not like, run, let me prove a point, I'm faster than Jordan in a fricking World War I Uniform!" They keep bickering all the way to the start of the course, when Jordan says, "I'm having so much fun right now." You're such a tool!" Dan says, giving him a playful shove. So I guess they're actually cool, or at least their version of it.

The Cowboys are starting their crawl, and Carol|Brandy are just getting to the start of the course. "You're out of your mind on this," Brandy snaps at Carol. Carol retorts, "It's physical versus the needle in a haystack, we can do this!" They start off, Brandy bitching the whole way. There are several teams out there now, being subjected to noise and smoke and showers of flying earth and all manner of dramatic editing. He-Jordan says he doesn't know why they're getting shot at. "They're Nazis," Dan says, displaying a Louie-like ability to distinguish between World Wars. Jordan pauses to ask a reenactor if he's okay. "Just checking on my fellow soldiers," he says. "I'm gonna kill you if you don't shut up!" Dan laughs from up ahead.

Jordan and Jeff are just now driving into Ste. Menehould, and Jeff wants Jordan to pull over so they can find the place on foot. Jordan says that would be a waste of time, and Jeff demands, "Where are you driving to? Do you have a better idea driving?" Obviously that's a rhetorical question, as Jordan isn't really an idea person. They seem to find the shop shortly after getting out, and Jeff carps at her for not listening to him. Then they buy a baguette in the shop, and Jeff seems disappointed not to get anything else, as in, a clue. The baker all but gives the game away, pointing at he bread and saying in French, "No, that's it," and then pointing to his own name on his jacket to show they're in the right place. Looking again at the clue, Jeff asks, "Is this fresh?" like the problem is that he mistakenly bought a stale one. Finally it occurs to him that maybe they have to eat it, so he starts nibbling on one end of it. It's going to take him a while to find the clue at that rate. Finally he breaks it across the middle like everyone else, and cackles at his discovery of the clue inside. Jogging back to their car, Jordan says something to Jeff through a mouthful of bread. Now, as you know, a lot of dialogue on this show is subtitled when it doesn't sound very clear, or if there's a lot of background noise, or when the speaker is a Harlem Globetrotter. This is one of those times that the Amazing Editors feel subtitles are called for. And what the subtitles have for us this time is, literally, "?????" Even the subtitles got nothing this time.

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Amazing Race




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