Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Curse You, Red Baron!

The mist seems to have burned off a little bit as the last-place team, Jordan and Jeff, open their clue at 12:17 PM. Jeff tries and fails to read the word "Boulangerie" from the clue, then gives up and points to the word, saying, "that." Since he's famous for not knowing how to pronounce "coup d'état," this is hardly surprising. Jeff interviews that they're the best team (even if the results thus far don't bear that out), and Jordan says she'll now try ten times harder because of the extra task they have to do, "and if we don't complete that, we're done." So, duly primed with determination and can-do spirit, they get in the car and immediately get lost. Oh, you two.

After the ads, they're still circling a roundabout. "Big Ben, Parliament," Jeff cracks. At least he knows how to deploy a pop-culture allusion properly. Eventually they seem to find a road that they're happy with, figuring they'll be fine as long as they don't deviate from it in any way. Although Jordan threatens to shoot herself if they end up at another roundabout. "We can't get down now, we just started," Jeff points out. Hey, don't underestimate yourselves.

The war is raging, with Michael calling back to Louie, "I hate the smell of sulfur in the morning. Come on, Louie!" Louie is so out of breath he's coughing and spitting as he drags himself along. But afterward, he gives Michael credit for motivating him during the task. I bet live ammo would motivate him, too.

Steve|Allie and Joe|Heidi are on their way to the battlefield, Joe painfully aware that his knee is slowing him down. That llama back in Chile has a lot to answer for.

Michael and Louie have spotted the foxhole where the soldier is waiting below with a convincingly haunted expression. Michael vaults down and the young man hands him a slip of paper about the size of something from inside a fortune cookie, reading "The war is over. Vive La Liberté." Michael suggests Louie go first on the return trip, which will allow Michael to scream encouragement up his ass.

Steve|Allie and Joe|Heidi enter the almost literal fray. Joe says he plays horsey with the kids a lot, so he was right at home crawling. Do the kids usually kick him in the knee to start things off? Louie and Michael start crawling again, and as a bomb goes off a few dozen yards in front of them, Louie says, "The war's over, you can stop now!" They exchange friendly greetings with the other teams as they pass on the way back, which kind of undercuts the whole fog of war vibe the show is going for here.

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Amazing Race




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