Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Curse You, Red Baron!

Steve|Allie and Joe|Heidi are in town now, and Joe is saying, "This bagel place has got to be somewhere." Even if it's not a bagel place. They stop for directions, and Joe tells her to wait up for him while his knee warms up. That's certainly a solid strategy. They encounter the other team, and find the Boulangerie and get their clues more or less together. "I think it was worth it just to get the bread," Heidi says as they walk back to their car in third place. Do these people not get fed at all?

Brent and Caite are leaving in seventh place, at 11:36 AM. They stop to buy a map at a gas station, and as they return to their car, Caite says, "He said just to continue straight down... this road." The ellipsis marking the point where she completely and visibly loses all confidence in what she's saying. Caite interviews, "We're doing everything great, it's just the fact we like to think we know where we're going when really we don't." Ah, yes, Jen and Kisha syndrome. Caite is already anticipating her baguette, saying, "I'm definitely gonna eat the crap out of it. Just shove it in my throat." Sometimes she makes this too easy.

The Detectives are approaching the Massiges, which looks like a World War I battlefield, complete with soldiers in period uniform. Over grainy, washed-out footage of these very reenactors, Phil narrates, "At the height of World War One, this strategic hill, coveted by the Germans and fiercely defended by the French, was the site of intense fighting." That makes sense. Now the racers will have to dress up as American "doughboys" to join the battle, whichever Detour they choose. Phil stands stooped over in a trench because he's so damn tall as he names the Detour options: "In the Trenches," or "Under Fire." For "In the Trenches," the teams have to enter, you guessed it, a trench. They'll then need to find one of the "communication areas," which is a (possibly fake) telegraph with a couple of pairs of headphones attached. With guns and bombs going off all around them and the goddamn Red Baron buzzing them at low altitude, they'll have to decode a message in Morse Code, using a supplied field manual. I could totally do that one, as long as the message is "SOS." Or "So." Or "Os." Either way, I'd be golden.

For "Under Fire," they have to crawl across a muddy field, staying low under barbed wire for a hundred yards. Then a French soldier in a machine-gun nest will hand them a message. Not to spoil it, but we get a glimpse at said message, which reads, "The war is over. Vive la liberté." They will then have to crawl back with the message the way they came, again staying under the barbed wire even though the war is supposedly over. At the end of both Detours, the teams will attach their messages to a homing pigeon, "who will deliver the news to headquarters that the war is over." Those pigeons can fly all the way back to the CBS home office in New York City? Impressive range.

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Amazing Race

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