Amazing Race
We Just Won't Die, Like Roaches

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
The Beauty Of Coming In Last
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Losing The Race Made My Parents Very Proud: Everyone grooved on their radiation vibe all the way to Ukraine, where they piloted tanks and (in some cases) got waist-deep in the big muddy, though not in the George Bush sense. Then, they executed a music Detour that unfortunately led several teams to perform horrible and inept rap, bringing new meaning to "executed." The *lyns were incredibly aggravated about the fact that the *wins, whom they were following, weren't driving faster. Also, they would prefer to have their free candy provided with the wrapping removed, their found money wrapped in gold, and their keys to the kingdom placed on a more attractive ring. The *wins just wanted everyone to be nice, because it's not show business, it's show friends. In fact, the *wins literally stayed behind to place themselves in a tie for last, just so they and the *lyns could stick together like the Brady Bunch, perhaps reinventing the concept of being unclear on the concept. The *lyns ultimately abandoned their alliance, leaving the *wins high and dry and out of luck after their navigation skills failed them and they got pulled over by the police. Unfortunately, this was not the movie Honey, so the *wins could not approach the *lyns and say in their Josh Baskin voices, "Yo, bitch, why you gotta do me like that?" At the mat, the *wins assured us all that while they lost, they never compromised their integrity, as they would have if they had attempted to win a competition, and they hope that you can live with yourself the next time you buy Park Place, you dirty bastard. We are down to the final four. Who will be eliminated... next?

Credits. I think Sarah was never that happy with Peter again after that shot was taken. I kind of can see her in my mind's eye, ironically liberated because she's bolting away from him on a leg he built. I mean, seriously: can you imagine if you could essentially kick a guy in the ass with a foot of his own making? Rock on, Sarah.

Commercials. That movie where the kids are stuck in the airport? That movie and I are already sworn enemies. We hate each other with the burning, and the anger, and the bitterness, and the fact that even having that adorable dude from Everybody Hates Chris does not change anything. If Lewis Black turns into Tim Allen, I will know that it's about time for the end of the world.

Phil explains that we are in Kiev, which contains statues, as well as tall and nondescript apartment buildings. And it's cold. Wait, maybe I'm looking out the window. Phil reminds us that the Great Patriotic War Memorial is our pit stop. I'm not sure how that's actually written in the original, but I like the idea of a "Great Patriotic War Memorial." It's like they ran out of words other than "Awesome," which could have been used in both senses. Phil wonders, over dramatic black and white footage of Dave and Mary and the *wins that suggests that both teams were eliminated sometime during the Gilded Age, whether the *lyns will be successful without their alliance, which was doing a great job up to this point keeping them mere millimeters from last place.

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Amazing Race




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