Amazing Race
We Got A Gnome! We Got A Gnome!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Happy Turkey Day

11:24 PM. Uchenna and Joyce are leaving in first place again, which makes the universe seem generally happy in a way I'm not sure I approve of. The clue tells them to fly to Istanbul, Turkey, which Phil explains is more than 4000 miles. There, they'll have to take a train to a dock, and then take a ferry to an island called Kiz Kulesi. Yeesh. It certainly seems to be a week for playing Transportation Bingo. I mean, they already have "rolling wooden elephant" scratched off from last week, so that's got to be one of the toughest squares to get. Anyway, there's a tower on the island, and there's a clue at the top of the tower. As Uchenna and Joyce leave, she tells us that they go by the motto "let go, let God," which is...fine, I suppose. As always, I don't think God takes much of a hand in reality-show victory or defeat, but if you're limiting your talk to the quality of your experience, I suppose that's cool. Joyce says that losing her hair was "God's plan." Eh. Again, not sure I'm buying that God wants your hair, but whatever makes her feel better is okay with me. She does say that "there's nothing that [she] cannot do," so she thinks they'll win now. They would be the first pair of bald winners, so that would serve the show's constant need to shake things up, I guess. They tell their cab driver to take them to a travel agent.

11:26 PM. Ron and Kelly and Rob and Amber are leaving the mat at the same time, and you'll notice that the close finish they had last week behind Uchenna and Joyce really was a close finish, and not the charade those things so often are. It's hard to believe them at this point, isn't it? It's like they're the Show That Cried Close Finish. Both teams read the clue. Remarkably, we learn that Sanjay is still with them as they're getting ready to leave. I fear that Sanjay doesn't have enough to do as manager of that hotel. I hope Rob and Amber gave him something. A Sox hat? An autograph? A Burger King gift certificate? As Ron takes a look at the clue before they go, Kelly gives a loud snort of displeasure, which seems to be a not-unusual response for her when things don't go just as she'd like. Ron and Kelly actually manage to bicker about reading the clue, which is never a good sign, as it tends to lead to pain and agony. Let's watch! Ron voices over that the "tension" between him and Kelly is starting to interfere with their ability to run a good race. And, word. And, Ron, you have no idea. And, Free Ron! Rob gives yet another sound bite about how he likes working with Ron and Kelly, but in the end, blah dee blah, there to win, blah dee blah. They either need to find a variation on that speech, or they need to stop running it all together, because I swear I have heard that about sixteen times now, and I am officially well beyond bored. Nicely, in the cab, Ron manages to sing a little snippet of "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)," which impresses those of us who like novelty songs. And who doesn't like novelty songs? Sing it with me! "Aaaand it's one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen wheels on a big rig, and they're rollin'-rollin'-rollin', rollin'-rollin'-rollin'!" Okay, that one doesn't apply here quite as well as "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)," but still. Incidentally, for the confused, that is not a They Might Be Giants song. That is an old, old song. I believe the most famous version is the Four Lads, although also lists one by Lee Press-On and the Nails, which is awesome. I'm not sure I even know how to process that.

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Amazing Race




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