Amazing Race
This Seems Like The Path Straight To Hell!

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John Vito's gigantic arms ask Jill whether she feels all right with doing the kayak, and she says yes. What she actually says is, "I can fuckin' paddle." See what I mean? She's a pistol, but don't tell her I said so, because she would hurt me. I'm not sure she's actually going to have to touch the paddles anyway. Kenny, meanwhile, searches for a vest that fits him. Man, he's not that big of a guy, either. They ought to have a vest that will fit him. Bastards.

The WaveRunner teams zip around thinking about how cool they are, and how much they belong in a commercial for Hawaiian Tropic. Oh, and intermittently, they look for the clue. Heather puts her hand up to shade her eyes in a way that you know she thinks is extremely picturesque. "Take! My! Picture!" you can almost hear her thinking. In an interview, Arianne complains about how big the lagoon was, illustrating once again that she does not understand detours. Of course it was big, hon. That's what makes it a real choice. Flo and Zach find the clue first. Phil explains that after they find the clue, the teams have to land their vehicles at a beach club, where they'll pick up Jeeps that they'll drive forty-three miles to pick up a ferry to Cozumel, and then they'll head for Chankanaab Park. Wow, that's a lot of steps. There are some of these teams who I'm pretty sure must have read the clue a lot of times and quite possibly written it down on their hands to remember to do that many things in a row.

Flo and Zach de-boat. As he walks away from her, she calls out to him. "He-LLO?" You see, he has to take her bag. Because she can't climb out with her pack, even though that's what he just did. You know, I think this is why I like Jill. At least she's not pulling this crap every five minutes. Carry my bag, give me a ticket because I'm crying, yakkety yak. It's a real drag. Once they're out, they grab a red Jeep and speed off into the great beyond, never to be seen again. No, not really. I only wish.

Back at the WaveRunners, Arianne and Aaron and Heave meet up and go looking for the clue together. Doesn't make any sense, but hey, we'll go with it.

Meanwhile, Ken and Gerard are paddling. "I felt like the Queen of the Nile in the back of the kayak," Kenny voices over enthusiastically. The fellas find the clue and get going.

Aaron and Arianne and Heave find the clue. "We're going to Cozumel!" Aaron yells. Because it just can't be said enough: Shut up, Aaron.

Elsewhere, Jill and John Bon Appetito are continuing to kayak. They're having trouble actually locating the clue. Kathy and Michael, on the other hand, find it and get rolling in a jiffy. When Jill and John Vito see the returning Heave and Aaron/Arianne on their WaveRunners, they decide to THUNK it and quit the detour in the middle and go for the other route. I have to say, it's hard to know exactly without seeing it from their point of view, but I think that is almost always the wrong move. I find it very hard to believe that quitting midstream is likely to be faster than just sticking with what you're doing, almost ever. Sigh.

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Amazing Race

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