Amazing Race
Think Like An Office Chair

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Sawing logs, indeed

BUH. Anyway, we cut directly from Mama Weaver's claim that Lake Pontchartrain is one of the Great Lakes to Billy Gaghan asking, "Is this bigger than the Great Lakes?" Sure, but will he learn abstinence-only? (Just kidding! Don't email me! Seriously! Please! I'm only kidding! Have I mentioned I also don't like Focus On The Family or swinging chiropractors? Watch me disappear in this cloud of misdirection!)

Now, we are in New Orleans. The Paolos are driving around looking for the corner of Bourbon and St. Peter, where Preservation Hall is. They park and start walking, as do the Bransens.

In the Schroeder car, Stassi is prissing about how it "kind of isn't fair," how they know their way all around New Orleans. Not fair, indeed.

The Linzes park and start running.

Paolos. Bransens. Duking it out for first place. And there's the Preservation Hall Jazz Band, easily fifty times cooler than anything else in the episode. And running to the mat, it's...the Bransens. Dude, Wally and the Tonyas are kind of on a roll. For their trouble, they win a trip to Orlando. Mmm, touristy!

The Paolos come in right behind them, and I'm kind of squicked out about Papa Tony's big hug with poor Wally. The Paolos land in second place, and Phil congratulates them on being in last place for a good bit of the leg, but pulling it out in the end and coming in second. Tony needs to quit hugging Phil.

The pinks get out and run. The Linzes are still running. Linzes land as team number three. "Is it my understanding that there was a moon out today?" Phil asks. They laugh.

The Weavers park and run.

The Gadzookskis land as team number four.

The Schroeders park and run.

The Weavers run up to the mat and are checked in as team number five. But not before Mama Weaver says, "I'm scared, Phil. Don't raise the eyebrow, Phil." And...it's good that she knows about the eyebrow, but he actually doesn't raise the eyebrow when you're eliminated. Know your mythology, lady.

The Gaghans are running, with Tammy holding on to Carissa's hand. The Schroeders are running as well. Running! Running! Drum roll! And at the mat, it's...the Gaghans! Yay! And as Phil says, "Gaghan family…," we see Billy, looking up at Phil with this painful, wistful, agonizing anticipation. And then they slide down to Carissa, and...that is potent, man. She's got the eyebrows up, she's got the mouth pressed together, and she is begging with every muscle in her face not to be eliminated. They are told they're team number six. And as much as I love watching them celebrate, I have to say, I watched this, and all I could think of was...those kids are going to be eliminated, and it's probably not going to be that long before it happens, and it's going to kill me dead and be the saddest thing ever.

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Amazing Race

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