Amazing Race
The Race Begins

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 6 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Swing, you fat bastard!

Commercials. Two guys knock a Volkswagen out of a tree. Hee. I love that one.

A slick graphic shows us that, just as Team Guido predicted, the South African Air flight went straight to Johannesburg, while the Swiss Air flight stopped in Zurich, and the Alitalia flight stopped in Milan. Strangely logical, isn't it? Phil voice-overs that now that they've landed in South Africa, the teams will have to follow a route marked with flags and clues. Their first task is to find yet another airport for yet another flight. Inside Team Danza's ground transportation, Loud Pushy Frank is insisting that the driver go faster, which leads to what is actually a fairly entertaining sequence in which he and Margarita whiz right by the lawyers, who are probably stupidly obeying the law when they could be wildly speeding. "Nothing we can do about it," the lawyers moan. Right. Because speeding during a race would be wrong. "Punch it!" yells Loud Pushy Frank. I have no love for Loud Pushy Frank, and he's certainly not going to be undergoing any Evil-Doctor transformations in the tradition of Big Brother Will (who quickly went from The Man Women Love to Hate To The Man Women Love To Envision Licking Peanut Butter Off Our Necks), but he's kinda funny when he's losing his mind in competitive overdrive. Just as he explains that anything except first is a loss, he and Margarita arrive for their connecting flight, with him telling her all the while to "move it." You know, there are a few phrases you should NEVER say to me, ever. And one of them, Loud Pushy Frank, is "move it." Ass. Anyway, he gets what he deserves, because when they get there for the connecting flight, who do you suppose is already there? Teeeeeeeam Guido! Moreover, they warmly congratulate Team Danza. I clutch my stomach as I laugh hysterically.

The lawyers overhear Frank's outburst, and comment that it sounds bad in there. Contrary to some of what's been asserted over at the forums, I don't think the apology that one of them then directs at Margarita has any connection to Frank's temper, as nice as that would be if it did. It's about bonking into her with a backpack. Still, you can call it a show of minimal politeness.

Team Guido informs us that the racers are off to bed. G'Night, Team Guido!

The next day, the first charter flight from Johannesburg to Zambia takes off carrying Team Guido and Team Danza, as well as Team Subpoenas-Envy. Phil explains that the ultimate destination today is a place called Songwe Village, and that in order to get there, they will have access to a car, and can either drive themselves or hire a driver (who cannot act as a guide).

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Amazing Race

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