Amazing Race
The Race Begins

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 6 USERS: A
Swing, you fat bastard!

Back to our tale. Matt and Ana are doing the Flight Info Phone Call Shuffle as well, and as she listens for the scoop, he makes the mistake of talking to her, which causes her to poke her pen at him threateningly. Hey, Ana, enough with the threats. Let's leave the innocent writing implements out of this.

Frank and Margarita make the call, too, and then take off for JFK. Margarita voice-overs that they've been separated almost a year, and they think this will be a good way to find out whether they can work together or not. As stupid as that sounds, I have actually heard worse theories, in that it is increasingly evident that over the course of this race, rotting relationship dynamics are going to be pulled out and thoroughly checked for termites in front of a national audience. At this point, Frank busts out a "little quiz" for Margarita. The question? "Who's the boss? Who's the boss?" Margarita rolls her eyes and points out that he wasn't supposed to "start that," which suggests to me that he does this regularly. Nice. She grits her teeth and says, "That would be you, honey." Then she giggles.

Now let me pause here for a moment. I'm no fan of Frank, and I'm not going to defend what he did here, or what he does anywhere else. But you know, she's not earning any points with me either. I hate it when women pull this crap -- telling themselves that it's okay to tell some controlling asshole exactly what he wants to hear, as long as they do it with the gritted teeth or the eye roll or whatever it is that they think indicates that they don't really mean it. You know what, hon? He doesn't care if you mean it. He's proving he can make you say it. He's proving he can make you do what he wants, and the fact that you hate doing it so much actually makes it MORE fun for him, not less. Nobody deserves to be treated like this, but Margarita certainly appears to be a party to her own misery. Tell him to shove it, or don't, but don't cave and try to look tough at the same time. And furthermore, Frank? Tony Danza called and asked that you stop taking the name of his show in vain.

Aaaaanyway. Team Guido astutely observes that South African Air is more likely to fly directly to South Africa than, let's say, Swiss Air, which probably stops someplace like, you know, Switzerland on its way from New York to Johannesburg. Meanwhile, on the subway, Matt despairs that he doesn't want to be the first team to get booted. Ana assures him they won't be, then chastises him for his negative attitude. She voice-overs that he's "the perfect partner, always upbeat," which isn't the case at all, as far as I can tell, but maybe when they're alone, he breaks out the clown suit and juggles. You never know. Also in the subway, Amie checks that Paul is sure they're going the right way, and he says he isn't. Oops. He's gonna pay for that one, over and over (and over). As they bicker, Team Guido gets to JFK and graciously takes a moment to thank their driver as they disembark from the cab. That's what I like. Class, class, class. Speaking of the opposite of which, we now catch Frank on taxi-cam, screaming that he sees South African Air, which excites him enough that he thanks Leon, their driver. "Leon," Margarita chimes in, "you just might be our ticket out of the ghetto." Call me crazy, but I think it's actually a little patronizing to worship a New York cab driver for being able to find an entire damn airline at JFK. ["Not if you've ever taken a cab to JFK, it isn't." -- Sars]

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Amazing Race




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