Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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That Is Studly

Nick and Starr's driver is both lost and slow.

As Dan puts on his chef's hat, he says to the Russian soldiers standing around, "I know, I 'm an idiot, we all know. Stupid American, can't do an army thing, that's cool." Back to the field kitchens, where he says, "Can't mess up doing the borscht." Well, I would have thought that about the marching, too. It's like the producers went out of their way to come up with Detour options that even these two couldn't screw up, and they still found a way. Several ways, in fact. They ladle soup into a big pot while the soldiers are beginning to bang their spoons impatiently against the table. Because even in a race for a million dollars, Andrew and Dan still need to be reminded to hurry up once in a while. Andrew and Dan start serving up the "borscht," which actually looks like pinkish water with the occasional mini-turd floating in it. I hope those soldiers aren't actually hungry.

At the bakery, Ken is shrinking Dallas's lead down to nine bags. The ex-footballer calls his experience in the NFL "a tremendous building block for anything you do in life, because you learn to endure pain, you learn to work through pain." Well, that half-explains why his marriage has lasted this long. What's Tina's secret?

Nick and Starr's driver is both lost and slow. Some more.

The Frat Boys are trying to bridge the language barrier using the only Russian words they know. "Anna Kournikova?" Dan tries. "Maria Sharapova?" I don't see any phone numbers changing hands. Finally they're done, and I begin to worry that the words "Andrew & Dan|Currently in Last Place" are going to burn themselves into my TV screen. "All right, eating Road Block," Dan says as they get back in their cab, based on the fact that they're headed to a bakery. But he's worried about not being able to pay for the long cab rides that have filled the day. Maybe they should have kept the army boots, flown back to Kazakhstan to return their new shoes, and raised the cash that way. It couldn't be much more time-consuming than some of the other moves they've made.

Still no apparent progress in Nick and Starr's cab. They're even trapped literally as Nick tries to get out, only to find that his door doesn't open. Of course the Siblings would be foiled by child safety locks.

Dallas finishes with the flour-carrying task about eight bags ahead of Ken, who clearly gained on him. If there had been a hundred bags, Ken might have actually caught up with him. And you know what just happened? I just started missing the Southern Belles. Can you imagine Brooke or Marisa dragging these bags for the better part of a day? The baker says to Dallas, "So you have finished. Congratulations. And here are the instructions to follow," she adds, presenting Dallas with his next clue. I do love it when the locals ham it up.

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Amazing Race

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