Amazing Race
Tell My Mom I Love Her

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Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
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Rotten to the Corsica

Commercials. I love Cheerios. I really do. So few things remain with you through your childhood right up until you're too old to snack on cereal out of the box but still sometimes do it anyway.

As El Hornio warms up to go back down, Rebecca is still complaining that she's not sure El Hornio is going to do it without "freaking out." She refers to it as a "Slow Forward," which I'm sure is helping El Hornio relax. But this time, up against pressure of having to find a new way to theatrically harm himself, he lowers himself with the valve, and doesn't freak out until he finds that he can't walk. Rebecca gets on the walkie-talkie that goes inside his helmet, and she tells him to hit the valve until his body drops more, and then he can push along with his toes. He pushes. More bubbles. "Now I can do it!" he says happily. Well, goody. El Hornio makes his way along the sandy bottom, touches the lobster trap, and says, "I'm comin', Rebecca!" Rebecca allows that she is proud of El Hornio for, I guess, not dying. I'm sorry; I found that a pitiful and silly display. It's one thing when a person inspirationally conquers a fear; it's another when a girl harangues her boyfriend into figuring out how to bonk his head into a valve. I am not impressed. They get the FF, and it tells them to get on a little plane to Calvi and then drive to the pit stop. "Wow, we're going in a little private Cessna," Rebecca says, not entirely happily. They get a cab to the airport, and when they're getting ready to go, they interview that they weren't too excited about the size of the tiny plane. "Hold my hand," Rebecca says on the plane, because she is needy and has no pride whatsoever, as well as no mercy. "Finally!" El Hornio says. "She's nervous about something that I'm not!" Happy arpeggios play as they take in the beautiful scenery on the flight and El Hornio explains how it felt great knowing they were only in the plane because he went on the dive. Let's all pretend this is a nice story for about thirty seconds, shall we? Yes, I knew you could. Just don't look at them, listen to them, or remember anything they've ever done. As they pass over a big highway, they pretend to look down at all the other teams. "We got the Fast Forward!" Rebecca calls down with a fake thumbs-up. The degree to which she is not funny affirmatively bothers me.

Lori and Bolo and Spazpants are arriving at Camp Rafalli. Both teams open the Detour clue. Pros and cons. Phil explains that the choice here is between Climb Up and Fly Behind. In Climb Up, you use an ascender to get up the side of a cliff, where you receive a medal from a French Foreign Legion guy. Then, you rappel back down. Ascenders, you see, are hard. In Fly Behind, you take a boat out on the water, and one person stays in the boat while another one rides on a raft it's dragging behind it. There are 25 buoys out in the water, but only 12 of them have clues attached. So the in-boat person navigates the boat pilot around, and the raft-rider dives down to check buoys underwater until he finds a clue. If this weren't exactly the ice wall/ice search Detour from seven legs ago, it would be a little more interesting. Jeeeeesus, people. Lori and Bolo decide on the climbing fairly quickly; Spazpants equivocates.

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Amazing Race

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