Amazing Race
Tell My Mom I Love Her

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Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
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Rotten to the Corsica

At 7:15, the other plane lands, and these teams make their way to Napoleon's house and find the same thing -- not open until morning. We cut directly to 9:00 the following morning, as all the teams shuffle into the house. They find Fake Napoleon upstairs, and he hands them their clue. Wow, that was challenging. What a difficult and perplexing "clue" that was! Jonathan insists on shaking Fake Napoleon's hand. (Voice of the Spirit of M. Giant: "Oh, that'll have to come off now.") Hornio opens the clue, and they find the Fast Forward. Yes, the second of the two Fast Forwards, meaning that we are done Fast-Forwarding for the rest of the race. This particular one, as Phil explains, involves going to a harbor and putting on "old-style diving suits" (think underwater Bugs Bunny cartoons) that weigh more than 100 pounds. Now that is heavy. That's probably more than Rebecca's entire body. Then both team members will be lowered to the bottom of the ocean and walk over to a lobster trap, where they'll grab a clue. Rebecca explains, as she jogs behind a frantic El Hornio, that they're going to go for the FF, because it involves diving, and she's "certified." El Hornio points out that he isn't. (Actual voice of M. Giant: "There's a difference between 'certified' and 'certifiable.'") He tells Rebecca he's not thinking this is a great idea, but she, unsurprisingly, chooses not to listen. And why would she, really? If they wanted her to share responsibility, they'd be called "partners" or a "team."

Lori and Bolo, followed by Spazpants, rip the regular clue, telling them to find a marked car. Phil tells us that when they find it, they'll drive themselves 100 miles to Calvi, where they'll find Camp Rafalli and their next clue. And what was Camp Rafalli? "A boot camp for the French Foreign Legion." Hey, maybe they'll meet Pepe Le Pew.

Lori and Bolo blow off the FF because...well, they have no choice, but Spazpants wants to make a break for it. The rest of the team fetches their clues and heads for marked cars. Over at the beach, Hornio is the first team to reach the FF, and El Hornio immediately doesn't like the diving suit. Spazpants shows up at the dive location, but when they learn that they're second in line and they'll have to wait for Hornio to go first, they turn back. Boy, that was a brilliantly planned FF. Remember when teams used to compete for the FF when more than one team wanted it? Jesus. Jonathan suggests that maybe Hornio won't be able to do it, but Victoria (figuratively) smacks him back into the reality that it's unlikely Hornio will actually find the task impossible. Or what you would think would be the reality, until you see El Hornio squirming inside the diving suit, saying, "I don't know if I like this." It takes a lot for me to consider calling a guy a chick in a disparaging fashion, but it's hard not to.

Marked-car-hunting teams hunt for their marked cars. They finally find them and run for it. Hayden originally sets out to drive, but when she gets into the car, she finds that she doesn't know how to drive it. Presumably because...stick? Don't know. Maybe she has problems with steering. Or braking. Or not insisting on being the horn. She hops out and makes him drive, even as he protests that it won't work, because that will force her to do the directions, which we've already established she can't. "What about directions?" he asks her. "I'll do it," she says. "No, you...can't," he says. Hee hee. He is also having a hell of a time squeezing into this eensy weensy little car they've stuffed his ass into. Oh, and Spazpants? Still bickering. Before long, it becomes clear that indeed, Hayden cannot figure out where they're going, so she wants Aaron to pull over and let Nuance pass them, so that after that's done, they can follow.

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Amazing Race

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