Amazing Race
TARcon 5: Twenty Things

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Open Bars and Big TVs

The tension near the end is just about intolerable. There is excitement when Chip and Kim get the better flight…and when Colin and Christie don't. There is misery when Earl starts driving along the shoulder. But then they go to that shot…the one that seems like it takes ten minutes, where there is nothing in the frame but the empty road. Everybody knows Colin and Christie are in the town car, and everybody knows Chip and Kim are in the van. When the van glides into the picture, that's pretty much it for sound for the rest of the episode, because you can't hear anything over the screaming.

Six

When the show is over, much of the party moves, at least temporarily, out into the "overflow" area, because that's where the racers are making their entrances. I wind up out there as a result of going to find the bathroom and never making it back into the bar. Eventually, SisterS brings my purse out to me so I don't worry that it's lost. I see Ken and Gerard, and I sneak over to talk to them. I introduce them to SisterS, who only started watching this season. "They played in Season Three," I say to her. "Where they broke my heart by losing to Flo." "Broke my heart too, Miss Alli," Gerard says. Ken reports that he never used to think about the million dollars, but now he finds himself pondering it from time to time. "Damn, that million dollars," he says. Ken and I discuss how the only redeeming quality of the new Survivor is Brady the FBI guy, who we think should take his shirt off a lot.

Seven

Team Guido makes a great show of bowing down in front of me, which is very embarrassing, and not only because I have to open by telling them that I was not sure I was going to speak to anyone who was at the aforementioned Vegas premiere party ever again. Later, asked by someone else what happened exactly, Bill shrugs and says, "Oh, don't listen to her, she's exaggerating. It was nothing. It was no big deal. I just bought a couple of bottles of wine, and…she drank them." Which is…kind of true.

They bring the dog, who is perfectly behaved, as usual.

Back when they were so very, very evil, who knew it would come to this?

Eight

I tap Zach on the arm. We say hi, and it turns out that we are doing this at the very moment that Brandon and Nicole are coming in. We note that Brandon, also, has very large hair. He might displace Zach for the most impressive final three hair ever, actually. We agree that while Brandon's hair is larger, it also uses more product, and it is necessary for its score to be reduced accordingly. I also tell him that I really liked the New York Times piece he wrote about racing. In addition to the fact that I am more comfortable with people who write than I am with anyone else, this is, as it happens, true. Zach is cool. It occurs to me again that of all the Racers I know, he is probably the most normal.

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Amazing Race

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