Amazing Race
Such A Nice Pheromone Smell To You; Just Makes Me Want To Stay Close to You

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
"Drive to the pit stop," my foot

Previously on Korea...Say It Loud And There's Music Playing: Enough with Malaysian Borneo and the monkeys and the nutbunches; it was off to Seoul for a little R&R, where the first R was for "Rrrreally Cold" and the second R was for "Rrrrreally Painful And/Or Disgusting." Along the way, there were brushes with barriers of both the barbed wire and language varieties, and a couple of teams learned that it is a very good idea to make sure you really do turn left before the bridge, in case it turns out to be a Bridge To Weaponry. Over in the color commentary, a frigid underwater Roadblock left several of the boys turning blue, a moveable feast turned the Chipsters green, and an introduction to martial arts left Kelly's knuckles way past in the pink. Flubbed navigation and switching between Detour options left Team Who stumbling and bumbling into last place, but the predictable appearance of a non-elimination leg kept them in the game. "Who will be eliminated..." My ironing board is elected governor of California. "…next?"

Credits. This Week's Fun Fact You Can Learn By Zaprudering The Credits With The Assistance Of TiVo: The passengers on The Amazing Opening Plane must have finished all the crosswords in the in-flight magazine by now, because there are absolutely no windows through which they can view the pretend clouds.

Commercials. I've always enjoyed the Old Navy aesthetic, and I've hung on for dear life to the hip train just as long as I could. But they bucked me right off when Fran Drescher and Mr. Anonymous moved into the neighborhood with Li'l Tiger Woods. Somehow, I "got" George and Weezy ski-jumping and the oddly self-deprecating purr of Morgan Fairchild, so I shudder to think what's become of me in only a few short years.

We are in Seoul, Korea, where the time-lapse gods would like you to know that the sun also rises. There is some typical drunken careening around the city, and then we return to the palace where the teams last stopped. Unfortunately, we also return to Phil's strange fur-trimmed jacket and black nubby sweater combination, accented with a pair of black gloves that look like they came from a different, and far superior, outfit. I swear that's Phil's mother's coat. There are probably wadded-up tissues in the pockets with lipstick blots on them. Anyway, rather than seeing the teams experience eat/sleep/mingle, this week we see them work their way through scheme/vow/intimidate, as they all take time on the mat to share their thoughts on the importance of making it to the final three. Reichen is feeling confident, because it's not like he would ever do something so galactically dumb that it would go down in history as one of the most galactically dumb things that's ever been done on this show. That will definitely not happen. ClownJon will do whatever it takes, even if he has to wear really big pants and ride a unicycle. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. David's approach is more thoughtful. "What would you do for a million dollars?" he ponders aloud. Well, I would learn map-reading, for one thing, pumpkin. Kelly astutely observes that she and BuffJon now have a "one in four chance" of winning the million dollars. Kelly loves how the math gets easier as the numbers decline. She's down to using the fingers of one hand now. Phil swears that tonight, there will be an elimination, and then the last three teams will dash for the finish line. He wonders whether the hand injury that Kelly sustained during her fateful encounter with The Balsa Wood Of Doom will crop up again (eh, "Come on, you girl!"), and whether that might prompt her and BuffJon to pursue the last Fast Forward available in the race. He also wonders whether the hapless Whos, coming off a scattershot leg full of botched Detour strategy and just plain crap-ass racing, will be able to bounce back.

3:46 AM. Kelly and BuffJon. He rips the clue, and it tells them to get to Hangang Park, where the locals go to fly traditional kites. Phil introduces the destination by showing us some signs and lights and other flashy stuff, because that's the kind of exciting, dynamic guy Phil is. He explains that when the teams get to the park, there will be flagged pedestals with thin wires tethered to them, and when a team pulls a wire, it will bring a clue envelope fluttering gracefully down from the kite to which it's attached. It's a little like when they celebrated the Constitution by bringing that giant piece of scenery within an inch or so of crushing Sandra Day O'Connor, only it's on purpose. The kites they're working with, incidentally, seem to be closer to fixed installations of a sort, rather than kites in quite the Charlie Brown sense of the word. BuffJon and Kelly leave the mat and work on grabbing a cab, but BuffJon wants to show some patience and find a driver who speaks a little English. The first guy they flag down speaks none at all, and the second guy doesn't either, leading Kelly to wonder how long they can wait, given the fact that the Chipsters are close behind.

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Amazing Race




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