Amazing Race
Rob And Amber Get Married

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Money for nothing, and your wedding for free

CC introduces Rob and Amber to the very tall chef who will be overseeing the food at their wedding. And then the tasting begins. They try all sorts of little pretty appetizer-y things, all of which look awesome. They also try a mango gazpacho, which looks tremendous to me, but Amber thinks that while it's interesting and well-intentioned, she's not sure it would be loved by everyone. And God knows she knows what that's like. And then we see my favorite part, which is that when they're supposed to be sampling the cocktails, Rob just downs the entire thing. There is wine, there is lobster salad...there is a lot of expensive food, basically. Ultimately, they go with a seafood option, rejecting Rob's plea to also include steak. You know, just to keep the bases covered. When they're getting ready to go, CC breaks the news that they're going to discuss additional cocktails with "a master mixologist in New York," and that they also need to write vows, choose an officiant, and get a song for their first dance. Amber suddenly feels overwhelmed by how much they have to do, and Rob is no help, on account of being rather sloshed. "We have a loooot to do," he slurs. Sample the cocktails, Rob. Sample!

As they leave the resort, Amber wonders if he'd like to walk on the beach a little, but he protests that he's not dressed for it with the shoes and the jeans. Killjoy! Amber also tells Rob that Arlette needs her to come back for two more dress fittings, including one almost immediately. They climb on the plane, clearly pretty stressed, and when they're back in New York, we hear in a voice-over that Amber is feeling sad about not getting time at home before her wedding, which I totally understand. As Rob checks them into a hotel, Amber sits in the car and says she's not sure what to tell her mother about not seeing her. She gets very weepy, and then there's a very out-of-context moment where Rob is says, "It's supposed to be fun doing this. She's crying in the car, and I'm pissed off. They haven't got the dresses yet, the girls haven't tried anything on...there's a lot to do in not a lot of time." Something about that bit definitely seemed more directed than an interview, as if he's specifically angry at someone, but we don't see who it might be. I'm not sure how production did or didn't interfere in what they're doing here, but that's kind of the vibe I got, that he was stressed because production wasn't letting them have any time and was cramming too much crap in. Don't know. In the car, meanwhile, Amber is still crying, saying that she now feels like they've got too much to do as a result of her desire for a fancy beach wedding. "I just feel like I'm always being so difficult," she chuckles, embarrassed. Rob yells at whomever it is, "It's not the little things. It's the big picture right now. Because our backs are against the wall, and we don't have a lot of time." You'd almost think there's a downside to putting your wedding on TV. ["Although, honestly, don't they know anyone who's gotten married? It's a big job to plan, TV or no TV; they're probably less stressed than, say, people who actually have to pay for the thing." -- Sars]

After the commercial, we learn that we are in New York nine days before the wedding. In a joint interview, Rob explains that yesterday was their biggest day yet. It turns out that the first task of today is to write their vows, so they plunk down on the couch with a laptop to try to figure out what to do. Rob says that not only did they need to write the vows, but this gave them an opportunity to "breathe" in the middle of all the craziness. He tentatively says to her, "It should be, like, a couple of sentences of…," and then he trails off. Amber jumps in to help. "'Amber, you're the most wonderful woman on earth,'" she offers, and Rob laughs. He suggests that she can write about herself and he can write about himself. "That would be kinda funny," he says with a grin, in just the voice he used for similar comments in tenth grade, often earning himself a punch in the teeth, I'm sure. Amber tries looking up something online about how to write vows. I'm guessing they're looking at this, based on the title Amber rattles off. But she explains that as they looked over the instructions, it seemed kind of dopey. Again, I think they're reading that purple page. So she suggests they just head out on the roof and write for a while. They go up and settle into separate tables. Rob explains to us that their vows might not come out particularly traditional, but then, they're not having the world's most traditional wedding anyway. It's true. Traditionally, a wedding like this would be a miniseries. Amber tells us that she isn't worried, because she knows he'll love whatever she says and she'll love whatever he says. Aw, I vote she includes that. After they write for a bit, Rob announces that he has a good start. "How much?" Amber asks, a little nervously. "Let me see." He holds it up, and you can see that he has at least a good-sized paragraph. "Wow," she says happily, and Rob smiles his "how do you like them apples?" smile. Amber says that ultimately, she enjoyed writing down why she loves him and wants to be with him. And again, I feel the "aw" approaching. "I love you," he says as they head inside. "I love you, too," she says. And then he says, "That should be it! That should be the vows right there." Indeed. That, and one "sweet-haht." Works for me, man.

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Amazing Race

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