Amazing Race
Rob And Amber Get Married

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Money for nothing, and your wedding for free

Rob and Amber take off for Boston now, a trip Rob predicts will not "go as easy." They make their way to some house or another in Boston, where Amber asks Rob whether he feels like going dancing, and he tells her he doesn't. It turns out it's not a real question, because she thinks they should take some lessons. "We're not taking dancing lessons," he mutters. "Why not?" she asks with a smile, and he chuckles, "There's going to be a fight if we're taking dancing lessons." Girls like dancing and flowers! Boys like cars and glowering! Some rules are absolutes! Anyway, Amber says that they should just see if he needs lessons, so by way of a test, he pulls her in and starts with the disorganized swaying. Which is awesome, and which I could do all day if it were me, but...did I mention disorganized? She starts asking what would happen if she wanted to dance faster, and clearly, that's dumb, because she should only be worrying about the one where everyone's going to be watching, and that will be a slow song. He would have been fine in a first-dance situation, meaning that I declare this a waste of time. In fact, when she asks about something faster, he says, "Then go dance with your friends." Mm-hmm. This may not be the hill she wants to die on, really. Amber tries to convince Rob to want to learn to dance, but Rob has an unlimited supply of "I don't care," as it turns out. And then there's a brilliant moment where she asks him why, when they were "on the island," he told her he wanted to learn to dance. He cops to the fact that this was a line. She is shocked! Oh, Amber. Come on. Ultimately, though, Rob unhappily agrees that if it's important to her, he'll do the dancing thing. He explains in an interview that for their wedding day, he figures he can swing doing what she wants.

And indeed, the next thing you know, they're showing up at a dance studio called, rather remarkably, Supershag. Yes, indeed. Super. Shag. Rob interviews that he sort of wanted to flee instantly, an instinct I understand, given that carefully planned dancing tends to look overly rehearsed and cheesy, I think, when you're not used to it. There's a great moment when Rob tells Amber, "It's a little too…," and then he does an arm flourish. Snerk. She assures him, "You don't have to go like this," and repeats the gesture with a laugh. As they dance, it becomes clear that he's pretty irreversibly terrible at it, but he makes her laugh, which is what really matters. He also accuses her shoes of being too pointy, for one thing, which I love. I would be more than tempted to tell him to get on topic. And then Rob says the instructor was "like Nurse Cratchet [sic]," which I can only assume meant that she didn't have a Christmas goose for the psych ward. At the end of the lesson, the instructor breaks it to them that they'll have to come back for another lesson. "No," Rob flatly declares. "Amber?" the instructor asks sweetly, going over his head. Oh, how wonderfully Andy Capp.

Later, Rob heads into town to meet some of his friends at a bar. He's working the backwards baseball cap like the Chipster that he is, and when he gets there, he takes a predictable round of crap from these guys about going to a dance lesson. Rob then changes the subject in an interview, telling us that what these guys don't know yet is that he's bringing them all down to Florida to help with his surprise for Amber. He explains this to them, saying that his father just built a new house, and he and Amber are going to be allowed to move into it, which Amber apparently doesn't know yet. The issue is that the house is totally unfurnished, so his surprise is to furnish it, and that's what he wants their help with. When he mentions that he also has a whole lot of other things to do this week, his buddies figure out in about four seconds that he's going to make them do all the work while he goes and takes care of those other things. When he tells them that he's going shopping for wedding clothes with Colin Cowie, all the guys are like, "Who? Who?", and I'd really like to tell you I didn't laugh when one of them said, "Richard Simmons? Who?", but I did. Kill me -- I like a Richard Simmons joke exactly once a year. Anyway, Rob tells them that they can have a good time, but it's also a serious thing for Amber. The guys agree to go, and then you know what? I do believe they're drinking exactly the same red shots of which he gave me one at TARcon 7.

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Amazing Race

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