Amazing Race
Rob And Amber Get Married

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Money for nothing, and your wedding for free

More commercials, and then it's the wedding day, and it looks like a day of much good weather. CC is having everything set up, and it turns out that a "simple beach wedding" is more complicated than you'd think. And Rob needs to give Amber her earrings, too, and presumably he isn't supposed to see her, so he sends the earrings off with Mike. "Don't lose them," he says. For her part, Amber is wrapping up the other gift she got Rob, which is a necklace she filled with sand from Panama and sand from the Bahamas -- the places they fell in love and are getting married. (Trash had a great time recasting this sequence as, "I got you a house and some diamonds." "Awesome. I got you a painting and a necklace made from dirt.") She has also included a poem in the box with the necklace -- a move she will soon regret. Nicole gives Rob the gift, announcing that Amber would love it if he'd wear the necklace. And Cheryl, Amber's mom, tells Rob that the poem that's included is one that she gave her husband when they got married. Rob takes out the poem and reads it out loud, and he does really well until he gets to this: "So that I never leave your breast." Because at this point, of course, he has to look up, grin sheepishly, and look back down. Because he said "breast." He tries not to get giggly, but he can't help it, because he is, as I've said, the Thattiest Guy of all time.

For her part, Amber receives a note and a gift. When she reads the card out loud, she does it with a full-on low-quality imitation of Rob's accent, which is sort of goofy and endearing. It ends, "Love you with all my haht, forevah and evah...and evah." When she opens the earrings, she gives a happy, "Oh, my God."

Rob's room of preparation. There is a knock at the door. One of Rob's buddies gives a shrill cry of "Housekeeping!", which...never mind. The point is that they stroll in, and the crowd is truly beginning to gather. Amber and her bridesmaids have their hair and makeup done as Amber talks about how easy it all is for guys, who don't have to worry about all this crap. By way of illustration of her point, we see that the guys are playing some kind of a dice game. Being a boy is easy!

But not for CC, who is outside getting things set for the reception.

The bridesmaids declare that they love their dresses, which bridesmaids always do, and which they never mean. Ever.

CC continues to build. He talks about a rear-projection system that really sounds like it's going to be insane. Oh, and he's perfecting the "metallic turquoise dance floor." Wait, what kind of a wedding is this? Oh, yeah. The TV kind. CC explains that when Rob and Amber first enter, they'll be led by BeBe Winans and a gospel choir. So that's what they're getting instead of the other 300 guests they know personally and wanted to invite, I guess. CC says he "love[s] drama."

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Amazing Race

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