Amazing Race
Real Fast! Quack, Quack!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A
Two For The Price Of One
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: I loved this show more than most of my possessions, because it was funny and sharp and affectionate and packed with people who didn't have raging personality disorders. About the worst thing you ever saw was, like, Guido, who were just moustache-twirling puppy dogs, really; or Flo, who's probably an okay girl as long as you don't have to travel with her or ask her to apportion blame for undesirable events, and you keep her away from the internet. And then the really boring fourth season happened, and all the air drained of the show because the casting was dreadful. People hadn't ever really watched it that much anyway, so it made a last-ditch grab for attention in season five with the motto, "We have a little person and an incredibly angry shrimpy dude!" Everyone watched it. So of course, it was concluded that if some obnoxious people losing their shit and going to war with each other were good, more would be even better. On that theory, they cranked it up to nothing but toothy models and wife-shoving creeps, and then the next season they threw in some highly controversial stunt casting and people who were just dark-hearted and mean. Even more people watched. At that point, some genius came up with the idea of starting from scratch by casting one family of freakishly awesome ass-kickers along with a bunch of generic whiners and sending them to do heart-pounding tasks like shelling peanuts in clown costumes at Six Flags Over Louisville. That experiment was so disastrous that the show immediately tried to rebound by returning to its original format and hanging on for dear life, but the casting misfired again when it was all a bunch of arrogant young assholes trampling a pile of pleasant cannon fodder. The situation was dire. And that brings you up to date.

We are in Seattle, which you can tell by the contractually required shot of the Space Needle, demanded by the Seattle Department Of Tourism And Street Cred, which watches over portrayals of the city to make sure monuments and coffee are adequately represented. It seriously appears from everything I have ever seen on television that Seattle has no landmarks but this. Not one. If the Space Needle had to be dismantled, you would be forced to begin Seattle montages with a picture of a map with a dot and an arrow pointing to it that said, "Seattle." Phil "I Feel Bad About Jonathan Baker And The Weavers And The Choad Explosion, And I Am Wearing Inoffensive Pants To Win You Back" Keoghan is strolling on the deck of a boat. He looks delectable, but I freely admit that I could be starved for host-related normalcy after watching Julie "You Weren't Expecting...This Camera Angle, Were You?" Chen all summer. Twelve teams are about to leave on a "race around the world for one million dollars." Per person, that's only a so-so night on Deal Or No Deal, which makes me think the booty needs increasing. Phil further explains that the racers are currently making their way to the starting line in seaplanes. I'm still waiting for them to be shot out of cannons so that our introductions will involve watching them crawl out of nets. But barring that, let's meet them anyway.

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Amazing Race




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