Amazing Race
One Of You, I'm Gonna Break In Half

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
Soup to nuts

Victoria is panting and weeping. "Drama queen," Jonathan says dismissively. He continues to tell her how she's going to make them lose, and she finally says, "Please go away, you're making it worse." Like he doesn't always. "I don't know what else to say to you." Well, exactly. That's exactly it. You don't know what else to say, besides this. You'd think there might be a few other options. I'd tell you to think of something, but I'm thinking it's probably a little late for that now.

Commercials. Wait, Blockbuster is getting rid of late fees? They must be entirely benevolent after all! Maybe tax cuts for the extremely wealthy are, too. Everything's coming up roses!

The clarinets tootle as Victoria continues trying to eat. Aaron keeps trying, having reduced Hayden to a nice, quiet, "Good job, sweetie." Jonathan yells at the musicians some more. And then Victoria throws up again. "You can't do this, drama queen," Jonathan says with unfettered hate. "You can't do this." Hayden tries to tell Aaron he's almost done, but he says it's Victoria who's making him want to throw up. And throw up he does, a little more. I'm not sure that's the kind of sympathy Victoria really needs, but it's better than nothing.

Nuance hops out at the restaurant. Freddy declares himself "a bear," and says he can do the food "in about two seconds." Inside, Victoria is throwing up more, and one of the musicians holds his nose so as not to join her. Freddy sits down and starts eating. The next person to finish is Victoria, who finally gets to escape her world of vomit and return to...never mind. Aaron finishes next. Outside, Spazpants leaves in their cab, Jonathan suddenly all apologetic for making her do it. "If you would just shut up, it would really help," she says. There's that glimmer of backbone that only makes it seem more depressing that she doesn't haul it out more often. Hayden and Aaron leave, too. Hayden throws a "muy rapido" at their driver. "That's Spanish," Aaron points out, quite logically. Hungary? Not so much a Spanish-speaking country. "I don't care if it's Spanish," Hayden responds. You know, uselessly. Because...what else is she going to say? She thought the driver might be Mexican-Hungarian?

As Freddy eats, Kendra decides that for some reason, it would be good to point out to him the places where people have thrown up their soup. What possessed her to do this, I shall never know. Aaaand...predictably, Freddy throws up on the floor. She points out, trying to help, that he only has an eighth as much left as he started with. "I put, like, four ounces back in it," he says. Ohhhhh, no. "Back in it?" she asks. "Vomited in it," he clarifies. And then, as if he were going for comedy, even though you know he's not, he brings his spoon up with this stringy, stretchy...okay, now I'm going to throw up. Can we talk about something else? Like how good a show this was, before it turned into a fucking parade of circus freaks? When Kendra realizes that her boyfriend is eating his own puke, she starts to cry. This entire scene just screams "true love," doesn't it?

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Amazing Race




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