Amazing Race
One Of You, I'm Gonna Break In Half

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Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
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Soup to nuts

Inside, Victoria says that she "need[s] something to throw up in." May I suggest her husband's skull? Oh, no. I guess not. Jonathan hands her Jon's used-up bowl instead, and she turns to the side and pukes in it. "Is it bad?" Rebecca asks Aaron as she joins the group. "Yeah," he says plainly. And the puking is probably a sign, too. "I can't put all this in my stomach; it'll kill me," Victoria whimpers. Rebecca, on the other hand, dives in. "Mm, mm," she says bravely. "I said that in the beginning, too," Aaron says flatly, with perfect comic flair. I'm telling you, for a guy saddled with such a humorless, grumpy chick, that is a funny guy. And then he gives a mighty belch. See? There's no wit like the burping wit.

Victoria has a new problem. "There's a HAIR in my soup!" she yells. Jonathan insists it's gone. Maybe he screamed and made it disintegrate. Rebecca keeps eating and eating and eating, which serves only to subject Victoria to a new stream of abuse about why she can't do that if Rebecca can. Victoria throws up some more, and Aaron appears to be suffering from sympathetic gagging for a moment, as might be expected. Hayden says to Aaron, "Rebecca's going to beat you." Aaron slowly turns around. "Hayden?" he says calmly. "You are the biggest pain in my ass." Well, exactly. And she had that one coming. If she had listened the first time he told her not to cheer, she had enough time to shut the hell up. El Hornio tells Rebecca that she won't get as full if she eats faster. Eh. Victoria throws up some more. And cries. "Let's go, Victoria," Jonathan says coldly. And right then, Aaron leans back and throws up his soup on the floor under his own chair. Oy. The violins stop. There is a post-puking moment of silence. "I think we need more music," El Hornio offers. HA! Brilliant. Which he almost never is, except when finding a new and extravagant way to threaten suicide. The music starts up again, and Rebecca continues eating. Like, as El Hornio observes, "a machine." Hayden encourages Aaron to barf more if necessary, which I'm sure is quite helpful. Jonathan screams at Victoria about "Scoop it, like I told you!" Pleasant.

Gus and Hera are heading for the restaurant. Sigh. Nuance, too.

Kris and Jon finally get a cab to the pit stop. "I need a window seat," he says as he climbs in. Hee. He goes on to say, "Between the bowl of Tabasco sauce, and the screeching violins, it was a torturous project." And elsewhere, Rebecca is puking into the bushes outside the restaurant, because as perky as she was, she also found it a torturous project. As she's puking, we hear El Hornio voice over, "I want to get back together with Rebecca, because I love her." Now that is some funny shit. He's literally talking about how much he loves her while she's looking up from the dirt with her pukey chin. Reeeally gross, but funny. She declares that she's okay, takes her head out of the plants, and soldiers on. They get into their taxi. "Are you going to throw up on me in the cab?" he asks. "Maybe," she answers.

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Amazing Race

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