Amazing Race
Not a Well-Rounded Athlete

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Tilting at Windmills -- Not

Natalie and Nadiya are feeling far behind and lost. Again. And the Chippendales and Team Austin have a difference of opinion on the best way to get where they're going, with Jaymes & James taking the freeway and Trey & Lexi not. "I think those boys are going to have trouble since they went the other way," Trey predicts. Lexi agrees. But then the Chippendales spot an Amazing Arrow along the road and realize they're already at the windmill Detour. So what the hell, right? "It's a like a big, giant ceiling fan," Jaymes says. "Can't be that hard." Jinx much? They get out of their car and see a small army of hard-hatted repairmen waiting next to Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. "His homeboy," James says, displaying an unexpected knowledge of Spanish literature. They have to put on harnesses, tool belts and hard-hats, which is probably not entirely unfamiliar to them. Sure enough, Jaymes interviews, "Working at Chippendales, we may have seen a construction outfit a time or two." James agrees that he may have even swung a Styrofoam hammer. Well, no wonder he's not a well-rounded athlete, then. Jaymes also says he's always enjoyed taking stuff apart and putting it back together, ever since childhood. Yes, I know what it's like to have a kid like that. Properly geared up, they climb the stairs to the building's roof, where Jaymes picks up one of the big metal or plastic wind vanes and holds it in position while James starts bolting. "This might have been the fun one after all," Jaymes says. That's a whole new paradigm for me; I've always thought of the dichotomy of Detours as being tortoise/hare, physical/mental, dignified/embarrassing and the like. Maybe I just need to start thinking of them as fun/not fun, which certainly seems to be keeping Jaymes happy. In fact, I vow to maintain this positive attitude, at least until we see the next Detour that's not fun/not fun. I give that until next week.

Team Austin gets to the bullfighting arena, where a brass band is playing a march, because the show hadn't put enough local musicians to work yet. Trey & Lexi run to the tunnel where the bull costumes are waiting and Lexi takes the front end while Trey occupies the rear, his head sticking out of the back just in front of the bull's tail so he can see in front of them and tell Lexi where to go. Because with that headpiece on, Lexi can't see a damn thing. They slowly circle the first eight matadors successfully with Trey shouting directions, right up until he tells her to "run into this guy" that represents the ninth target. There's still about 45 seconds on the clock in the background and somehow she misses the bulls-eye and they both crash right over the whole rig at top speed. "I just, like, sliced the crap out of my finger," she cries and they walk off while all the matadors and picadors and toreadors and what not stand around wondering if they're supposed to be treating this is an actual injury. I mean, they've seen dudes gored, you know? But coming back from the ads, Lexi's still crying like she's never been hut before, freaking out about her fingernail being blue. Walk it off, cheerleader.

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Amazing Race

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