Amazing Race
My Alarm Clock Didn't Go Off!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
I'm leaving on a jet plane...if I can find one

One look at a smiley getting hacked in half makes Gary jump back and gasp. "Where's PETA when you need them?" he asks. Um...heh again, actually, just a little. Next, the teams buy their Epsom salts, and then it's on to the next step. Oswald and Timmy are the first to make it all the way to the healer. Oswald pauses in the doorway. "May I come in?" He is waved inside. The healer prepares Oswald's potion just as Gary and Wil arrive. Oswald finishes it, and sort of makes a "nyuh" shuddering noise. The healer acknowledges that it's very bitter. But then, aren't we all? He gives Oswald the clue.

Next up, Gary and Wil clink glasses and drink the potion. Wil's is apparently a fast-acting dickweed potion (not that he needs one), because upon finishing it, he stands up and starts doing some kind of a fierce bitter-fluid-drinking wrestler imitation. Gary wants to know if there's mouthwash available. On his way out, he tells the camera that the guy gave him what tasted like "a combination of Clorox bleach and mouthwash." (THUNK.) Now see? He was mugging again, and look where he ended up. Furthermore, that line is flawed according to some pretty basic rules of joke mechanics, so he was doomed from the beginning.

Wil thinks the potion had something to do with "juice with a...weird foot on the bottom of it." A foot? The hell? All the Roadblockers return to the hair salon, triumphant. Os gives Timmy a good handshake, Dave tells Gary that he's a warrior now, and Tara actually screams, "Weasel!" when she sees Wil -- hey, just like Sars and I do! Speaking of the Weasel, he interviews that he's proud they're working so well together. Yawn. "I love her," he says, suddenly doing better. But then he says that "she's awesome." Wow, if that's the best you can come up with as a compliment for your wife, you'd better be stoned. In which case, if that "foot juice" comment is any indication, Wil may be all right.

The clue tells them to take a township taxi to the next pit stop. Phil explains that they're going to Lanzerac Manor, a ritzy estate in South African wine country. (I'll admit it -- I didn't even know there was South African wine country, although I've been known to drink fairly bad wine, so it's logical that I wouldn't.) As the drunken cameramen careen around, we see that the place is very beautiful, particularly all festooned with McFlags. Phil reminds us, in case we've forgotten, that the last team to arrive will be eliminated.

Kalk Bay Harbor, Mary and the Fruit. They dance. The Fruit completely cracks me up -- she does a little hands-in-the-air "woooo!" that has really nothing to do with the dance and everything to do with just being the Fruit. Being the Fruit is a state of mind. It's a way of life. It's very nearly a political party. Somehow, a number of the contestants are all growing on me simultaneously. How did this happen?

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Amazing Race

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