Amazing Race
Mark Down

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Bollywood Travolta

Mark is finally ready to give the dance a try, "Before I pass out." Better than after. Brendon is trying to calm Rachel down, telling her not to get emotional. "I'm a girl, of course I'm gonna be emotional," Rachel whines sweatily. This Roadblock is setting back the cause of feminism fifty years, I swear to God. How hard would it have been for Rachel to replace the word "girl" in that sentence with "whiny, spoiled, immature asshole"? Vanessa talks about the futility of her own eight years of dance class, and Art says JJ looks like "a gorilla in a chiffon suit. He's trying his ass off, though." Too bad dudes don't know what chiffon actually looks like. Mark makes his first attempt, but falls behind and is called out. Vanessa, however, succeeds on her third attempt, so she and Ralph are out of there in second place. Look who's back in the front of the pack for the second time this leg!

JJ tells Art he can't do it, and Bopper calls over to Mark, "We're Kentucky boys, we ain't Las Vegas dancers! Keep your head up!" Rachel, the Las Vegas hostess, makes her fourth attempt as Mark power-hydrates and worries some more about passing out. Rachel gets through this one, so team Big Brother is off in third place. "Chicks three, dudes nothin'," Art says. Yes, be sure to keep us posted on the score. "I'm gonna cost us this thing, man," JJ says to Art, and Mark says he's ready to get sick again. And again, his physical distress launches a commercial break.

After the ads, JJ tells Art that he told him he couldn't do it. Art is unsympathetic. "Have a little faith," he says as JJ begins his fourth attempt. This time, the director lets the suspense build before producing Art and JJ's clue, triggering a whole celebration next to the stage. Not that Bollywood dancers have a high threshold for happiness in the first place. "Chicks three, dudes one!" Art crows, and tells JJ he's a "Bollywood Travolta" as they head out in fourth place. Congratulations to Art on finally thinking of the one dude in the world who could ever dance. Bopper obviouses that he and Mark are in last place as Mark begins his third attempt. "Win or lose, he's giving it everything he's got," Bopper says. Looks like it's the latter, though, because he gets flagged before he finishes. "I barely can raise my arms," he pants afterward, which is going to be a problem for the parts of the dance that require arm-raising.

"Baby, can you listen to me when I tell you when to turn?" Dave nags Other Rachel while she tries to drive the slalom course. "If you're nice about it," Other Rachel says, which translates to "no," and tells him to quit barking in her ear. But he keeps doing it anyway, and then takes the credit when she gets through. "Listen to your fricking husband!" he says. Oh, go frick yourself. But they're done and they have a clue sending them to the next Pit Stop in first place. Phil tells us that that Cochin is known as "the Queen of the Arabian Sea. And on a small island near the city: Bolgatty Palace." Kind of odd to hear that trademark verb-free elocution this late in the episode. There stands (that's a verb to your left there, TAR writers) an Indian pagoda that Phil refers to as a "heritage landmark," and the Pit Stop for this leg. "The last team to check in here" -- which is the mat out on the courtyard -- "may be eliminated." With five teams and three episodes left after this one? I guess anything's possible.

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Amazing Race




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