Amazing Race
Like James Bond Again

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 1 USERS: B
Limping to Victory

Bates & Anthony are back at their car, with Max & Katie right behind them. Max expresses his preference for the Focus over the car he was driving before, which I'm sure the Ford people appreciate. Winnie & Pam saddle up and then Chuck & Wynona, who now are in eighth place after all according to the subtitles. Represent!

Dave & Connor have already reached Mt. Hutt Station, which is marked by not only a big sign at the side of the road, but also a clue box. They get out and read the clue, which asks, "Who wants to keep their race from going to the dogs?" Which is one of those bits of alleged wordplay that is now so worn-out nobody even remembers what the original meaning was. We cut to a grassy hillside as Phil narrates, "This Roadblock requires teams to race through a muddy obstacle course known in New Zealand as a shemozzle." They'll put on rubber boots, a pair of white shorts known as "stubbies," and a vest made out of a burlap sack. Then, after choosing a shepherd and a dog to run with, they will sacrifice what little dignity they have left by climbing through a livestock trailer and getting covered in molasses, then crawling through a tunnel full of feathers, gathering chicken eggs along the way. At the end, they'll mount an inner tube and slide down a hill of plastic-lined hay bales into a small pond. After they've gathered twelve eggs, they'll receive their next clue. Connor's doing this one, obviously. They run over to the obstacle course and Connor is given his bin of supplies. I just can't stop imagining what the word "shemozzle" would sound like being uttered by Snoop Dogg.

Out on the road, Jessica & John are realizing they went the wrong way. Caroline & Jennifer are in last place as they check the same map Jessica & John did. Careful about that, that didn't work out so well for them. Connor, looking even more absurd now in his shemozzle outfit than he did at the start of the leg with a ponytail on top of his head, picks out a shepherd and a dog to guide him through the course. He's led to the trailer, which he and the dog and shepherd crawl through, brushing under lengths of fabric dripping with molasses that gets smeared on all three of them "I have no idea what he's doing," Dave remarks. Connor comes out of there with a few eggs in hand, then crawls into the narrow nylon tunnel full of chicken feathers. His guides wisely give that one a miss. "Tarred and feathered!" Dave says when Chicken-Connor emerges. Coughing, Connor then climbs a stack of hay bales arranged in a pyramid and back down the other side. There's another stack beyond that, with inner tubes piled at the back. "I've got feathers coming out of every orifice in my body," Connor overshares. Dave asks us, "Could you imagine me doing this?" as he stumps along the sidelines on his crutches. No, especially this last part: with eggs held in both hands, Connor sits on an inner tube to ride a waterslide made of hay bales and plastic sheeting downhill before landing nimbly on his feet waist-deep in what he describes as a "manure pond." I think it's just muddy water, though. They count up his eggs -- of which there are five -- indicated on the screen by a bizarre cartoon graphic featuring a jet-farting chicken for some reason. Seven to go, so he's going around again. As everyone will have to do, unless someone lends them a carton to use.

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Amazing Race




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