Amazing Race
It's Okay, Run Them Over!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 12 USERS: A
You gotta dance with the ox that brung ya

What isn't broken is Chip and Kim's bus, which arrives at last. They board, and Chip murmurs, "That's a little cushion, a little cushion." The bus takes off.

In Stage IX (Christie Starts Asking Questions Just To Be A Bitch), she says, "Colin, is it possible for you to control him? Please answer me when I talk to you. If there's any way possible that you can not wander aimlessly..." In Stage X (Colin Clings Desperately To The Very Few Marbles He Has Left), he says, "Do you know how hard it is to look down and try to drive him? Do you realize how difficult that is?" In Stage XI (Colin Fastens On The Only Possible Explanation, Which Is Preferential Treatment For Others), he says, "It wasn't this hard for the other teams. I guarantee you that much." See, that's where the arrogance kills. Because if he had any humility, it would occur to him that this was because he might be doing it wrong. And then he might think to himself, "What might the other teams have thought of that I did not?" But I don't think he thinks that way. Like, ever.

Anyway, in Stage XII (Deserving Each Other, Part One), Christie says, "Grab the plow!" In Stage XIII (Deserving Each Other, Part Two), Colin screams, "I CAN'T GET HIM TO GO OVER THERE!" In Stage XIV (Nothing Says "I Have No Argument" Quite Like "Calm Down"), Christie says, "Calm down." In Stage XV (Them Animals Scare Easy), Colin screams, "WHY DO YOU KEEP TURNING?" (Ox: "Because you are a lot funnier than writing my name in the mud with my tail again, and moreover, now I am immortal!") In Stage XVI (Provoking For Provocation's Sake), Christie says, dripping contempt, "Colin, why don't you learn how to control him?" In Stage XVII (No One In His BMX Club Will Talk To Colin Now That They've Heard Him Scream Like A Little Girl), Colin screams, "I'm tryin'!" In Stage XVIII (Having the Upper Hand And Making Sure Everyone Knows It), Christie says, again dripping contempt, "Listen to yourself. No wonder you can't control it." Easy to say in the non-plowing role, isn't it, non-plowing non-plower? "I CAN'T MAKE HIM GO OVER THERE!" Colin shouts again. In Stage XIX (Turning Into A Freudian Mother-Related Nightmare), Christie says, "I don't want another word coming out of your mouth." In Stage XX (Unfortunately, Yes, He's Talking To Christie And Not The Ox, As You Know If You Watch The Insider Videos), Colin doubles over with one hand on the plow and the other on his knee and whimpers -- yes, whimpers -- "Oh my God, I hate you." In Stage XXI (She Is A Lovely Person Also), Christie says, "Oh my God, just plow." And in Stage XXII (Just Plain Fucking Balls-Out Awesome), Colin leans back, looks at the sky, grimaces as if he is in a movie about eternal suffering, and...waits for guidance? Hopes to catch some rain in his mouth? Tries to look at the front of his own hat and fails? Hard to say.

Commercials. I told Wing Chun when we saw a preview for Taxi that it sounded like a hypothetical movie the TWoP staff would have invented in a hotel room at 4:00 in the morning. "Jimmy Fallon is a cop, and Queen Latifah is a bad-ass cab driver." "Only her cab is all tricked-out and shit!" "And then she gets all involved in his work." "And then they have to spend all this time together, but they're total opposites, so it's wacky!" And I stand by my conviction that this is not a real movie, but a fantasy that somebody like Djb had at some point that accidentally came true as a result of a disturbance in the universe.

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Amazing Race




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