Amazing Race
It's Okay, Run Them Over!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 12 USERS: A
You gotta dance with the ox that brung ya
Previously on Zorber, The Geek: The other teams almost managed to leave the Twinkies behind at the airport like dog-eared copies of Us magazine that were read in six minutes at the gate and thrown down in disgust at the gate before pre-boarding even started, but those crafty twins weaseled onto a plane at the last minute and avoided -- or, you know, put off -- disaster. Colin and Christie argued about directions and maps and, according to Phil, their relationship reached "a new level." Oh, look. Phil is being ironic. The moms weren't sure they should sledge, but it turned out that they did a lot better with the whitewater than Brandon and Nicole did on their hands and knees in the mud. It also turns out that God helps those who help themselves take the Reckless task rather than the Chicken. I certainly hope that mud issues are gone for a while! Wouldn't want to see anybody get all muddy and frustrated again! That would be sad! Chip toyed with the Yield, but he ultimately decided not to throw it on the Twinkies. The universe scowled a contemptuous warning, and when Chip ate his oatmeal the next morning, the individual oats spelled out, "NEXT TIME: USE IT, DUMMY." Ultimately, however, the Twinkies did not require Yielding, as a combination of their usual inept navigation and the always dangerous bad Detour choice put them far enough behind that they were phinally, phabulously Philiminated. So now, we are at the final four. Who will be

Credits. Wait, is that Trump's pretend plane in those pretend clouds? Because if he's in there, I want to thank him again for last week's firing. Which ruled. [BOMP.]

Commercials. Do you suppose Denzel Washington will make a movie I want to see, like, ever again? Because at this point, if you decide not to invest in his "One Man With A Gun Takes On the System And Threatens People On The Phone" oeuvre, it starts to feel like you'll never see him in a movie again. Come back to me, Denzel.

Truly heavenly sun-kissed shots bring us back to what Phil describes as the "stunningly beautiful island nation" of New Zealand. (He leaves off the implied "if I do say so myself.") Phil reminds us, in case we aren't from Earth, that this is the gorgeous landscape that was used for The Lord of the Rings, The Lord Of The Rings II: Ringy-Ding-Ding, and The Lord of the Rings III: Paul Hamm Versus Harry Winston. Phil tells us that the "rolling hills" on which he and his blue shirt and unnecessarily high-waisted khakis are currently strolling served as the tenth pit stop. And there was a little eating, some sleeping, and a modicum of mingling. Aw, look, Brandon sleeps pretty. Phil wonders whether Colin and Christie will keep "breez[ing] past the competition," as we catch Christie apparently bragging about something or other, though it's hard to say what. You can just kind of tell. And, I mean, let's face it: she would. Finally, will Chip and Kim be able to hoist themselves out of last place?

4:56 AM. Leaving first again are Colin and Christie. Boooo-ring. Boooo-ring. This is so boooo-ring. Oh, sorry. Anyway, they rip their clue, and there's a big zorb in the background. Zorbs grow wild in these particular rolling hills, you see, and it's almost harvest time. Phil explains that the teams will have to drive 220 miles to the Westhaven Marina in Auckland. At the marina, they'll find a yacht called the Hydroflow, and on the yacht, they'll crank down a clue from up in the ropes and knots and grommets and thingies. What? I don't do boats. You're lucky I didn't say they were fetching it from the crow's nest. ["They weren't?" -- Sars] As they leave, Colin tells us that he and Christie "feel confident that there's no other team that's stronger" than they are. "Some of these other teams make a lot of stupid mistakes," he says. And he would, of course, never do that. In their SUV, Christie waves her hand dismissively as she talks about all their first place finishes. "That's 'cause everybody else suuuuucks!" she singsongs happily. Colin corrects her that "it's not just that the other teams suck" -- it's also how wonderful they themselves are, which he doesn't want her to leave out of her figuring. I doubt she would leave it out, I really do. What's most unfortunate about all this bragging they're doing is that if they're doing it this much right at the top of this leg, you can bet they do it fairly often. I think their pit stops are probably more like "eat, sleep, and lord your placement over everybody else."

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Amazing Race




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