Amazing Race
It Doesn't Say Anything About First Come, First Served. And We're Bigger.

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
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We Open in Venice

At the ski hill, an unidentified voice observes that "that thing is fuckin' steep, y'all," which is pretty much precisely what I would say. Hey, maybe that was me! Nah, I'd probably remember a trip to Italy. The raft van can only take two teams at a time, so Millie and Chuck and Chris and Amanda go up first, agreeing to wait for Josh and DadSteve after they're done. ["Kind, but dumb." -- Wing Chun] At the top of the hill, Millie and Chuck strap on their yellow helmets and prepare for the trip down. They clamber into the inflatable raft. AAAAAAAAAH! (That was my impression of Chuck and Millie going down the hill. I don't normally do impressions, so I hope you enjoyed it.) Incidentally, although I wouldn't swear to it under oath, Chuck appears to yell "Oh my God!" all the way down the hill, and I would point out that if you're going to stick to the virginity thing, you might take note that you're not really supposed to do that either. But anyway. At the bottom of the hill, Millie offers up a "That was awesome! YEAAAH!" that reminds me, as so many things do, of the Get Him A Body Bag, YEAH! Guy in The Karate Kid. At the bottom, they jump out of the raft and run to the route marker, where Chuck begins his painful misadventures involving Italian. The clue tells them to make their way to the Ponte Della Guglia Bridge in Venice, which Chuck drawls as, "Pawnta-della...googly...[shrug]...in Venice." As the cameramen race along what I can only assume are narrow Venetian streets, Phil explains that in order to get to Venice, the teams must depart from one of two train stations: Calalzo (which is closer but has a later train), or Alpi (which is farther away but has a train that leaves sooner). Once they get to Venice, they'll go to the Googly Bridge for the clue.

Amanda and Chris are fuckin' getting in the fuckin' raft. Sorry, force of habit. They fly down the hill. AAAAAAAAH! They reach the bottom and tear open the clue. You can hear Amanda add that the clue also says, "You may not fly at any time," so apparently, it must be theoretically possible to get from Cortina to Venice by air. Interesting.

Back at the top of the hill, Josh is most unamusingly hamming it up with DadSteve about impending doom as they get ready to go. They go down the hill, both exhibiting what I guess is the de rigueur behavior during this task, which is holding your fist directly over your head and going, "Wooo!" It's sort of the double-axel of snow rafting, I guess -- nothing special, but if you don't do it, you just haven't completed the experience. Reach bottom, read clue.

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Amazing Race

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