Amazing Race
I'm Sick Of Doing Stuff I Can't Do

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
What's the matter with Florida?

Elsewhere, Alex (I have this down pat now, people! I am on fire!) explains how they're following a cab to the volcano. The Paolos are right behind, in remarkably good spirits. Papa Bill notes that he sees a sign for the volcano, so he's going in the right direction, too. Nice headlamp, Papa Bill. Nothing flatters a man of a certain age like an appliance strapped to the noggin. I also think electric pencil sharpeners are kind of dapper. Just a bit of fashion advice, from me to you. YOU'RE WELCOME. The pinks see the same sign, and they're equally happy.

Not so happy? Wally and the Tonyas. They have a weird exchange where they sort of all want to stop and ask directions, but nobody wants to be the one to actually get the hell out of the car and do it. The girls think it's easier if he goes. He insists it isn't. So ultimately, they just keep driving. That doesn't seem like a good solution, people. "You need to get directions." "I think you need get directions." "That's fine, then, we just will not get any directions." That's going to result in a few problems during the playing of this particular game, given that it's kind of a team sport. ("Go tackle that guy." "I think you should tackle him." "Fine, then he can just run by with the ball under his arm." "Fine with me!") (Reproduction of that exchange is prohibited without the express written consent of the Green Bay Packers, by the way.)

Then there's this really weird, bleary-eyed footage of the Weavers in which the pen hanging out of Rachel's mouth totally appears to be coming out of her nose. I can't explain precisely why, but the walrus vibe, she is very powerful. Oh, and then Rachel prays, adding at the end, "And let us beat the other people if it's your will." My sense is that she wants to pray for God to make her win money, but some part of her is conscious of how cheap it sounds. She sort of wants to hedge her bets because maybe God and anyone watching might be offended by her asking for straight-up monetary gain at other people's expense, but she holds out hope that maybe God will make her win if she asks and won't make her win if she doesn't ask. Just in case it's an order-fulfillment system like getting books off Amazon, she doesn't want to miss her shot. So you get that (ironically) ass-covering prayer where we ask to win, but only if God wants us to win. Ick.

The Linzes pull into Volcan Poas, apparently having gotten good service from their tug-cab. When they get up to the gate, however, they discover that it's locked until morning. So...no fooling, they set up three charter buses a half-hour apart that could only arrive at a time at which it could not possibly matter which bus you were on. It's one thing when people take planes and you can kind of tell yourself it's part of the scheduling and part of the way travel works and theoretically somebody could have been delayed or something. But when you hold the teams for more than twelve hours, meaning that any problems up to the point will by necessity be erased, and then you put them on charter buses that can only leave at these three times, and you know that those three times will then get them to the gate after the gate is locked, that's just...stupid. I mean, some of this happens every season, but this is totally ridiculous. Significance Alarm: still silent.

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Amazing Race

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