Amazing Race
I'm Sick Of Doing Stuff I Can't Do

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
What's the matter with Florida?, it's Weavers and Gaghans. My most despised team and my most beloved. Oh, why does it always come to this? And why do I almost always get hosed? In the Gaghan car, Billy asks whether they're probably in last place. "We're racing to the finish line," Bill tells him. "That's all I want to see from you, all right?" Carissa turns around and announces to her brother, "Winners never quit; quitters never win." Oy. I bet he wanted to pull her hair for that one. Papa tells them that's exactly right, as the spot-on editors shift to Tammy's face. Because she is the one who will break your heart clean in two right now. Because she knows they're in last place, and she knows that they lost it on something that she was doing. I don't at all think it was necessarily her fault, because they'll never know what would have happened if Bill had done it, and it certainly wouldn't necessarily have gone better if the kids had done it, but she was in the pilot seat when it went bad, so you know how she feels. People feel bad enough when that happens to them with a regular teammate, but with your kids? When, among other things, you're just having a ridiculously good time that you aren't ready to stop having? Come on. You know that would be horrible.

At any rate, she stares out the window as Bill asks the kids, "Are we quitters, or are we winners?" And you can hear the kids sort of chirp "winners," in that nice way where you're not old enough that you have to think too hard about what a really crap lesson that is sometimes, but Tammy is full-on mom as she mutters, "Winners." Don't cry in front of the kids, don't cry in front of the kids, don't cry in front of the kids. It's all over her face. Damn show gets me every time. Probably for the last time this season, but still.

The Weavers drive into Quepos. The Gaghans drive into Quepos. Phil waits at the mat. The Weavers run. The Gaghans run. And, to the mat, as you know is going to happen, here come the Weavers. Who are obnoxious hypocrites, but who found the red bean faster than Tammy, so what are you going to do? Anyway, they're team number five, so bully for them.

My sense is that the Gaghans maybe counted cars when they parked, because they walk along pretty casually with Bill commenting on how beautiful the sunset is. "Dad," Carissa asks, holding Papa Bill's hand, "can we go here on vacation once?" "I think we're going to come back here on vacation," he says. "I love this place." That's the kind of detail this show has always been so good about including, you know? "Hold your head up high, Billy," Tammy says quietly as they jog down toward the mat. "Come on, peanut," Bill says. Heh. My sister calls one of her kids "peanut," too. They step up to the mat, and they're last, and they're eliminated. And Papa's got one hand on each kid, and Carissa's arms sort of flop in frustration at her sides. Papa leans down and gives each of the kids a kiss, saying, "Good job. I'm so proud of you guys." Tammy does the same. "Good job, good job. You guys did an excellent job." And of course, Bill and Tammy have their usual smooch.

Oh, man. This is where they show Carissa trying not to cry -- and she's not doing it in the fake way where you're not really trying not to, either. She's really trying not to, by putting her hands up to her face in this really odd, awkward, wonderful gesture. And puffing out her cheeks...she's really seeing if she can pull off not doing it. Don't cry in front of Mom and Dad, don't cry in front of Mom and Dad, you know? ["I think she was more trying not to cry in front of Phil." -- Sars] "I'm so proud of Tammy, I'm so proud of Billy, I'm really proud of Carissa," Bill says. As Carissa continues to try not to cry, and not that successfully, Billy gets preoccupied with, I'm pretty sure, looking at her, although it's hard to tell just what he's doing. And then she's handling her cheeks again, like maybe she can physically restrain her face from squinting up and it will keep her from crying. And then Billy says, "We ran this real hard, and we're gonna go out with our heads held high." His parents' kid, that one. Phil tells Carissa that she's "the youngest person ever to have come this far on The Amazing Race," and now she is doing a different trying-not-to-cry thing that involves holding her mouth very tight and blinking a lot. This child is definitely trying to kill me.

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Amazing Race




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