Amazing Race
I'm Not His Wife — He Doesn't Need To Scream At Me

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
A Few Leaders And A Bunch Of Oslo-Rans

Jon rides down, to the appreciative "Woo!" of his girlfriend. At the bottom, they open a clue that directs them to drive 50 miles to a Viking Village. Where everyone probably wears those helmets with the yellow braids, you know. Kristy, meanwhile, rides down, with a little appropriate screaming. They get the clue and leave, taking their Fern along after he assures them that he knows where the Viking Village is.

Meredith and Maria? Oh, they're still stalled. Still nothing happening. "More gas," Meredith says, not all that helpfully. The car jerks forward, you know, again. Maria, now weepy, says that she can't get the car to go. She puts a hand to her forehead in frustration, and in the back seat, Meredith grabs her head. I'd feel a lot sorrier for them if the need to drive stick were any kind of a surprise at this point, but it's not. Driving stick is not that hard to learn, and this is a completely predictable outcome, know, boo hoo.

Commercials. Should Suze Orman be doing car commercials? That seems wrong to me.

When we return, Maria is still fretting over her inability to drive stick. Even her pink headband with the red hearts can't help her now. Finally, however, she manages to get the car moving. So this will no longer be a problem, provided she can keep driving continuously until it's time to stop at the end of the entire race. They'll just have to switch off drivers as they circle the pit stops for twelve hours. For them, it will be eat, sleep, and mingle out the driver's side window.

Lori and Bolo and Hornio are pulling up to the ski jump. Bolo and El Hornio take the Roadblock, which, you will recall, has a clue saying only the "Olympian feat" thing, so it would have been hard for them to know exactly what it is. And in the end, it winds up feeling a little intentionally misleading, because I don't recall Olympic...ziplining. Once he gets to the top, though, El Hornio says that he began wondering whether this was a very good idea. Bolo goes first, and just watching him fall makes El Hornio bite his thumb in fear. No, literally. He bites his thumb. Oh, El Hornio. As the guy sets El Hornio up to go, the guy says, "Boy, you really don't like the heights, do you?" I think El Hornio must really have that smell of terror about him. El Hornio agrees that he doesn't. Once Bolo lands and he and Lori take off, Rebecca gives El Hornio a cheer. And then he says that he loves his mom. And then he finally goes. Not only does he bicycle his feet like a total freakazoid while he's doing it, he yells out, "Mom, I love you!" on the way down. Dude. That's just undignified. Even for a self-described "eccentric," that's not going to score you any points. I bet even your mom thinks that was dorky. Rebecca cheers him and gives him kisses when it's over, though. As she tells him how proud of him she is, they run off. I'm sure she doesn't mind not being included in the screams he unleashed in anticipation of his death.

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Amazing Race




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