Amazing Race
I'm Not His Wife — He Doesn't Need To Scream At Me

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
A Few Leaders And A Bunch Of Oslo-Rans

As Spazpants heads toward the other teams, Jonathan -- who apparently doesn't see them yet -- hollers, "We're number one!" "No, we're not," Victoria says with disgust. Kristy and Lena laugh more. "You're a whiner! And a complainer! And we're number one!" Jonathan shouts at Victoria as they run. "We're not number one," she repeats. "Look, there's people here, Jon, we're not number one." When they get up to the cabin, Jonathan hugs Lena and asks what number they actually are. "Three," she says. "We're three?" he says, trying to maintain his excitement. "I knew that the teams were not smart enough to find this," he says haughtily to Lena and Kristy. He points at his wife. "She had no confidence in me," he says mockingly. He warms up to a mighty, lecturing bellow, emphasizing every word with a wave of his clue: "This game teaches you about yourself. I cannot believe..." He turns to his wife, inspired. "You owe me an apology," he demands, pointing at her. "I am sorry," she says readily. "You owe me a big apology," he continues, not satisfied. "You need to look inside yourself." He gets more and more cranked up. "You need to look inside yourself and do something different," he yells. Yeah. I'll say she needs to do something different. Like running quickly away from this abusive dork as fast as your legs can carry you. I'm going to have to make my peace with this situation, because I like much of the rest of the cast and it's still a great show, but...Christ, don't they screen these people within an inch of their lives? Who let this fucker through the cracks, anyway? I personally believe that the magnitude of the blunder committed in choosing these people is serious enough that if I were in charge of it, I'd consider some new blood in casting. Bickering is one thing, but nobody wants to spend a season watching anyone suffer to this degree. And that's all I'm going to say about it, because that's all I really can say about it. But you can rest assured that whenever they cross the screen, I'm thinking it.

Kristy and Lena explain uncomfortably in an interview that they like Victoria, but that Jonathan is very nasty to her, so they don't like him. Back in the shelter, he yells, "I am so proud of myself!" It's a bizarre situation, because if I were confident he weren't hurting anyone, he would be a hysterically funny, self-parodying weirdo, but because of the way he conked Victoria on the head and didn't even seem cognizant of it...well, I've been heard at this point.

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Amazing Race




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