Amazing Race
I'm In Russia, Playing With Dolls

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Drivers, divers, and dolls

In fact, the very first thing on Properly Phitted Phil's agenda is to tell us that during this pit stop, "Eric and Danielle and Jeremy and Dani paired up." Now, I don't know what "paired up" means to you, but in the case of Eric and Danielle, they are shown sitting together, and in Jeremy and Dani's case, they are shown walking together and not touching. The only people who think that's what "paired up" means are found at Jane Austen conventions and Oral Roberts University. "We just hooked up with them right away," Jeremy says, abusing the language some more, as Eric lifts the back of Danielle's jacket to grab another look at her ass and she -- notably -- pushes his hand away. Eric claims in an interview that they all were "talking about naughty things," but other than that? If you're looking for canoodling footage or even particularly convincing flirting footage, there's...nothing. Now, sometimes, they've teased these things kind of early, as I think they did with The Incomprehensible Love Of Flo and Drew (ack), so maybe they're going somewhere with this. For the time being, though, given that they're being followed around by cameras, there's really not much to see yet. I might just be hoping the girls have more sense than this. In other E/S/M news, Barry is a very, very hairy man. It's like he jumped in a vat of syrup and then rolled around in whatever they use to make synthetic Santa Claus beards.

4:48 AM. BJ and Tyler. Today, their shirts say "TTOW." Unfortunately, we will return to this later. The clue tells them to ride a 300-foot zip line that Phil explains is three miles away at another farm. There, they'll get a clue. This does seem a little...tossed in, like, "Three episodes and no zip line? This cannot stand!" Because who rides a zip line at a farm, you know? It's like bungee-jumping off the top of a Blockbuster. Anyway, they leave, and in an interview, Tyler explains that they're "not just the happy-go-lucky crazy hippies running around naked all the time," in spite of the fact that they are spending such maximum effort at all times to convince everyone that they are. I will say that if they're doing very much of the running around naked, I love the editing staff more than ever for making sure I do not learn of this firsthand. They get in their car and leave.

5:01 AM. Eric and Jeremy. We learn that the teams get $307 for the leg. For some reason, Eric and Jeremy find this hilarious. Usually, guys like this would only find $69 funny, so I have no idea what they're on about. They leave, and as they talk about how their car has been doing such a good job, Eric opines that they should name the car "Danielle #3." I have a feeling these guys probably name everything, and I do mean everything, and I...just made myself queasy for a minute. I need to lie down. Eric then interviews that they have fun with the girls at the pit stops, but as to racing, "It's got to be Jeremy and I."

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Amazing Race




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