Amazing Race
I'm Gonna Throw Up On Phil's Shoes

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 4 USERS: A+
Peach Wobbler

Side explanatory note: in case you haven't noticed, most Detours come in two forms -- Reckless/Chicken and Tortoise/Hare. In the first kind, you can either do something scary or something very slow -- hang gliding, bungee jumping, sandboarding, rock-climbing...these are all Reckless/Chicken Detours. In the second kind, you either do something conservative that you won't get done quickly but almost can't screw up, or something you might blow past in a hurry but might stumble on and really hose yourself. This tree/tea thing is a Tortoise/Hare Detour, as were the walkie-talkie, foot/hoof, and most significantly, the famous bus/private-car Detour that totaled the Frats and Momily. I generally think Tortoise/Hare Detours are inherently superior, dramatically speaking, to Reckless/Chicken Detours, because you always know what the right answer is to Reckless/Chicken -- it's to be reckless. Tortoise/Hare, on the other hand, can go either way. Esquire saved their shapely fannies by going Tortoise, while Danza did super on that same leg with Hare. So now you know my entire Phil-osophy of Detours, and we can move along.

The final significant fact about this Detour is that Phil pronounces "herbal" with a hard leading "h," just like other Brits/ Aussies/ Zealandians, as well as Martha Stewart. At any rate, the Teeth, Taraweasel, and Boston decide to Hare the Detour by going for the tea, but Cha-Cha-Cha is feeling turtle-icious, and goes for a drive to the wishing tree.

Back at the temple, Mary and the Fruit are looking for Amelia outside, but Thunk is already deep inside the complex, clearly a lot closer. Thunk finds her indeed, and perches on a pair of stools exchanging a very warm greeting with her. Adopting a rather silly accent that I think might actually be literally inadvertent, Dave says he wants the face reading, and Gary sits down for the palm reading. Gary wants to know if they'll have "great luck in the coming future." As opposed to the past future, I suppose. She responds by praising Dave's face. You know, put some hair on the boy, and I might praise his face also. Wow, who said that? Anyway, Amelia tells Dave not to trust people too much, especially his "double-face friends." I, of course, would be happy if Gary just had one face, if it weren't on loan from Zelig. She tells Gary he's "too smart," so he never listens to anyone. I like this theory, actually, although it would really have been perfect if she'd told him to stop making dumb jokes. I would have stood up and cheered, and then sent Bruckheimer a big check for making my day. Anyway, as we see Mary and the Fruit still looking for Amelia, she gives Gary and Dave the Fast Forward envelope, which tells them to go straight to the pit stop, a boat in the middle of Hong Kong Harbor. Drunken cameramen demonstrate.

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Amazing Race




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