Amazing Race
I'm A Much Better Liar Than You Are

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
Weeping and whaling

7:04 AM. Aaron and Arianne. She interviews about how they thought they might be out last night, but today, they are brimming with hope. Brimming, I tell you! From their car, Aaron calls out to someone for directions. He comments a moment later that while he and Arianne don't speak "the language here" (that's Arabic, dear) and they don't speak French, they communicate okay. "You just scream at people and they seem to respond really, really well." Well, it's good to know that they're utilizing their natural skills. Woooo!

Back at The JVJ Road Shoulder Of Mechanical Failures, they pace anxiously. Phil explains that if a car breaks down through no fault of the team (that is, you didn't fill the tank with kerosene or apple juice or do anything clever like that), they can have a replacement car sent by the show, but as he explains, "no time credit is given...for this unlucky situation." Heh. Phil sounds a little like the guy on World's Wildest Police Videos, who makes all those clever little comments like, "These joyriders found out that when you're playing with the law...[dramatic pause] may wind up paying with your life." As to the substance of the rule he just explained, I guess you could choose to think that's not fair, but (as we will see later in the episode) it's generally the case that the show does not make any pretense of protecting you from bad luck -- that is, from everything that isn't your fault. This seems to me like the right balance -- you send them another car rather than leave them by the side of the road to be attacked by wolves and turned into carrion, but you don't give them back the time. When the replacement car arrives and they get going again, John Vito comments that they lost about an hour waiting for the replacement.

The drunken cameramen are back on duty now, careening around Casablanca. As so often happens, we are treated to a shot of a colorful member of local law enforcement directing traffic. In fact, today, he gets a featured role, as Ken and Gerard ask him for directions to the mosque. He obliges. Thank you, local law enforcement! When the teams get to the mosque, they find that it is grand, indeed. As BoB+F enters, Gerard reminds everyone that there's no running in the mosque; they have to walk. There's a great shot of these six guys walking across the mosque grounds -- it's very cinematic, like they're a ragtag band of misfits on their way to break in and steal something. The Junior Exposition Hands then get a cameo when, for some reason, we are treated to a special shot of the clue box being opened and the clue removed. What bored person threw in that shot? Sheesh. When the teams pull the clue, it tells them to head for Marrakech. Phil is back to claim that this will again be 150 miles, but it seems to me like Phil just likes to say "150 miles" a lot. Just like some people think everything takes "five minutes," Phil thinks everything is "150 miles." How far is it from Nashville to Vegas, Phil? "A hundred and fifty miles." How far is it from your kitchen to your living room, Phil? "A hundred and fifty miles." He's like Rain Man, if Dustin Hoffman had spiky hair and a come-hither accent. Phil goes on to explain that after the teams get to Marrakech by train, they'll have to take a taxi to the edge of town, to a place called the Palmerie. Unsurprisingly, by the way, the Palmerie appears to contain palm trees. Now it all makes sense! BoB+F takes off for Marrakech, hoping they can get a train quickly and put some space between them and the people behind them.

"[Domp! Domp! Domp-a-domp-a-domp!]" goes the thumping conflict music as FloZach pulls up beside Teri and Ian at what appears to be a toll plaza. "Is this Teri and Ian?" Zach asks. "Yeah," Flo says. "That can't mistake him for anyone." I'm glad they put that remark in there, because I was starting to wonder if the hat was merely a trauma-induced hallucination that was mine alone. Once the teams leave the plaza, Teri and Ian start bickering about navigation yet again. "We need to get off the highway," she remarks emphatically. "I'm telling you..." he begins. "We missed another exit," she says. "Don't tell me to chill out again." "You're making a mistake by getting off the highway so fast," he counters with measured contempt. "But if you want me to, I'll do it. I'm going to follow your direction. And the outcome is your responsibility." He actually waves his finger in the air during this remark. Wow, he could not be more of an ass. It's almost impossible for me to imagine a marriage I would ever want to be in less than this one, unless it involved David Gest. Or, if I were a guy, Jennifer Lopez. Team Asshat eventually remains on the highway, because Teri knows that she will never, ever hear the end of it if he decides she was wrong about the exit, and she'd rather have them both get it wrong than have him remind her that she screwed up every five minutes. I somehow suspect that being gracious about being right is not in Ian's particular range of emotional reactions. I wonder whether, when she asked him whether they should get diesel and he said no, she told him that the outcome was his responsibility. This entire dynamic is just...creepy.

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Amazing Race




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