Amazing Race
If They're Screwing The Helmet To My Head, It Can't Be Good

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at Hell's Gate
Previously on Me, I'm Flying In My Taxi, Taking Tips, and Getting My Lazy Ass Pushed By The Most Likely Less Fortunate: After shaking their cabooses all the way to India, the teams discovered that making real bricks isn't as easy as making the Play-Doh kind when you're eight. KamiKarli and KarliKami hissed and spit at each other, and Colin tried to terrify wads of clay into spontaneously forming themselves into bricks just so he would stop yelling at them. "I'M PACKIN' IT!" became my favorite enraged exclamation. It even works on the highway when people are tailgating you. Brandon and Nicole gave up on the aforementioned bricks, but had to return to them after learning that only losing their lovely locks would land them the second Fast Forward. Because really, where would Christopher Atkins be today if he had shaved his head? I mean, he wouldn't be nearly as famous as...well, as he is…you know, now. Anyway, the Detour put teams to the pressing challenge of finding the most comfortable position in which to sit in repose while a bunch of helpful locals gave themselves hernias on the racers' behalf, and at the finish line, it was Colin and Christie taking home yet another exotic vacation to Mexico. As Pool Boy commented to me, they really need to win the million now, or they won't have the cash to pay the taxes on all those trips. A resigned, hirsute Brandon and Nicole arrived at the mat prepared to be humbly Philiminated, but the benevolent deity that is Phil informed them that this was the unexpected second consecutive non-elimination leg, so they would live to race another day, albeit suffering from a severe lack of funds. You know, Phil, tithing only requires them to give ten percent. That makes you meaner than God, I'm just saying. Anyway, we're down to...or, really still at, after several weeks...the final five. Who will be eliminated...next?

Credits. Every time I watch the credits, I am more relieved that Ms. Alison Irwin (you know, backwards, it's "WIN-IR," as she once famously pointed out, not that this seemingly irrefutable logic has panned out for her quite yet) lasted all of two episodes. If she were still around, dragging Donny's ass around Calcutta shrieking about how stupid he is, I would have all sorts of eyeball infections by now from the interminable fork-poking. [BOMP.]

Commercials. It seems far too logical that this show is sponsored by Expedia.com. The world of industrial pimping never makes that much inherent sense.

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Amazing Race

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