Amazing Race
I Told You Less Martinis And More Cardio

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 3 USERS: A-
When Guido Met Mirna

Teri and Ian (PBS: +6; he's really a good guy and a good sport, and she's totally terrifying in a way that's very much acceptable to me) are married parents from Florida. Ian points out in their interview that he and Teri came in second by only a couple of minutes in season three, and it occurs to me that I have no sense anymore of whether I would have preferred a Teri and Ian victory that season, because I'm not sure whether seeing Flo (PBS: +2) lose would have been good enough to make up for seeing Zach (PBS: +9) lose. At any rate, Ian says that bickering is "who we are," and that it works for them. Teri says that they're going to work harder, and they'll come in first this time.

Oswald and Danny (PBS: +9; they're lovely, and Oswald once vetted a boy I tentatively liked by grabbing his ass approvingly) are friends from Miami. Oswald reveals the kind of heartbreaking fact that they had a big fight that estranged them for about a year. That makes me feel like the world was temporarily all tippy. But now they're back together (yay!), and Danny says they're "platonic husband and husband." Boy, isn't that what's wrong with society, you know? God intended soul-feeding sexless friendships to exist only between one man and one woman.

John Vito and Jill (PBS: +7)! You may not have heard this if you don't follow the gossip, but Phil explains that they're "formerly dating." Sad, I know. Seriously, for a rigorously unsentimental person regarding reality-show romances, I was surprisingly sad when I heard that. At any rate, Jill reminds us of the way they met, and she says that they got to a point where the "next step" was getting engaged, and it just kind of didn't work out, and they ended up breaking up. She says that while they're broken up, she's "open to anything happening." Those "can't get to the next step" breakups are the worst, because you so often wind up smacking yourself for not just staying where you were for a while. John Vito says he hopes they'll "grow closer," and they'll "take it one day at a time." Sigh. I have a feeling I'm going to watch this whole thing through interlaced fingers, because it kind of seems too significant to take place on television.

Eric and Danielle (PBS: +3; he was actually surprisingly non-douchey, all things considered, and he hit it off very well with my best friend, which speaks well of anyone), who Phil explains were on two different teams in season 9, and "fell in love." I'm going to go out on a limb and say I do not think they are "in love." But... okay, that's the conceit, so let's go with it. Such love! Eric, in discussing just how "in love" he is, manages to muster up that he likes the fact that Danielle has "a lot of attitude." For her part, right over a shot of Eric's dual nipple rings, Danielle says that he's "a gentleman." It's not so much that I don't believe her as it is that I'd want to see her definition. Eric says he's "more anxious" about this race than he was about the last one. Probably because there are almost no guys who would not be "more anxious" about traveling for a month with a relatively recently acquired girl with whom he can't even have very much of the private time. And looking at them, it's like... I still don't want to complain about casting, and I know the "racers from different teams dating" angle must have been hard to resist, but... is this really the couple best suited for this spot? A whole spot for this? He seems like a nice guy, but she seems like an empty vessel, and I just don't see this particular mashup meriting consideration when others weren't included. I certainly -- certainly -- wish Flo and Drew had taken this spot, because at least Flo is a firecracker, and Drew is cute like a bunny. This? Feh.

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Amazing Race




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