Amazing Race
He's A Few Ticks Away From Having A Heart Attack!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
The program gets a little buggy

Bridge! River! Tall Buildings! Marina! Beach! Boats! Phil welcomes you to the Sunshine Coast portion of Australia, which he calls a "seaside playground." Unfortunately, he does not mean this in the teeter-totter sense, which is a shame, because it would have been really fun to see Jon and Chip trying to fling each other into orbit with alternating butt-whomps of increasing ferocity. No, this is a seaside playground in the "frolicking rich people" sense, and we are accordingly marooned at the Mooloolaba Yacht Club. (Motto: "Unamused By Cow Jokes Since 1850.") It looks like eat/sleep/mingle was pretty friendly this time around, what with the toasting and everything, but on the whole, folks are looking tired and dirty and ready to get home, as they usually do by this point. Phil wonders whether Team Who can ride their strong finish in the last leg into good placement for the final dash, and whether Kelly and Jon can knock out a strong leg without knocking out each other's teeth. The Chipsters, of course, will be starting out with the time penalty they richly deserve for having completely failed to read their clue. One can only hope they read their departure time correctly.

10:41 PM. David and Jeff. David's wearing one of those disposable V-neck shirts they seem to have stocked up on. Particularly in conjunction with the darkness and harsh TV lights, those are projecting a whole COPS guy-in-his-driveway vibe that I'm just not excited about. They rip the clue, and it tells them to drive themselves to the Australian Woolshed, which Phil tells us will require about an eighty-mile drive to the town of Ferny Hills. For some reason, I suspect that there are at least fifteen dirty jokes that circulate among the fifth-grade boys at Ferny Hills Middle School, in which the punch line is, "Ferny Hills." Anyway, when they get to Ferny Hills (hee hee), they'll have to search through a giant pile of raw wool to find their clue. Much to the Whos' dismay, they have been given a grand total of one dollar for this leg, which is only going to buy six or eight of those shirts they've been wearing, so they'd better conserve. David explains in his off-the-mat voice-over that their approach was to use the Fast Forward to get into first place, and then to try to expand their lead. It's a fine plan, as long as you don't worry about the fact that no other team has ever been able to do it, ever. Other than that? Kick-ass thinking, dudes. In their car, Jeff explains that Ferny Hills isn't on any of his Sunshine Coast tourist propaganda materials, so they'll have to ask directions somewhere. In the next interview we see, David is sporting the V-neck with sleeves and Jeff is sporting a V-neck from which he seems to have ripped off the sleeves in an apparent moment of confusion in which he believes that he's a scrappy dancer/welder and the year is 1983. Oh, my eyes. Anyway, Jeff explains that he thinks that the other two couples, because they're couples, may be prone to a more emotional attachment to the things that happen in the race. He and David, of course, have no emotions that cannot be expressed with a single well-placed "dude." Or in the case of an extreme emotional outburst, "bro." They stop at a gas station and ask directions to Ferny Hills, and then they get on their way.

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Amazing Race




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