Amazing Race
Here We Go, Baby, Off To Win A Million Bucks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Brazil nuts

"God, we're going to Brazil!" Monica says. My sentiments exactly.

Credits. I love how, of all the weird stuff in last season's credits, the only thing they left, practically, is the incongruous monkey. [BOMP.]

We immediately return to BJ and Tyler, congratulating themselves in their car for getting out first. In her car, Monica supposes that perhaps they've taken some time off from smoking pot if they can run that fast. Heh. I mean, of course, they can argue that's an unfair stereotype. Or they could if they hadn't embraced said stereotype to such an embarrassing degree. Really, their best defense against a pot-smoking allegation would amount to passionately declaring that they are posers, so I don't feel that sorry for them. Other teams load up their cars. My personal favorite is Yolanda, who drives off and casually remarks to Ray how you really do feel the altitude. Busy reading the clue, he off-handedly remarks that he's out of breath indeed, to which she responds, "I feel a little blood in the lungs." Ha! Just a little. You know, the lungs are filling with blood, but that's okay!

Eric and Jeremy have a conversation along the lines of, "Dude. This car is awesome." "Dude. I know." Oh, they would. Fran is unhappy with herself for being out of breath, because she already lives in Colorado. As for Wanda, she says, "Fasten your seatbelt! This is going to be a bumpy ride!" Desiree says, "All right, Mom," in this "Yes, Bette, your enthusiasm is awesome; let's read the clue now" kind of way that makes me laugh. John and Scott are in second to last place, and they note that "the Frosties," Lisa and Joni, are behind them. In the Frostie car, it is observed that they have $140 "to probably eat monkey testicles." Which is silly, because you wouldn't have to pay for the monkey testicles out of your own money.

Monica and Joseph pass BJ and Tyler for first place. BJ and Tyler have decided to refer to Joseph and Monica as "Ken and Barbie," which...isn't very good, since it's slightly appropriate to her, but not at all appropriate to him. He isn't Ken-doll-looking at all. A shot of Lake in his car, snapping directions at his wife, reveals that what I dislike about his appearance is that he has the Jerkweed Tuft. You know, he has the short hair, and right at the top of the forehead, there's a spiky little area that sticks up like a stiff paintbrush? That is the Jerkweed Tuft, and remarkably, it's very rare for guys other than jerkweeds to have them. It's partly a function of badly handling hairline issues (why this is coming up twice in one recap, I don't know), but it's also just something domineering men do, for reasons unknown to me.

In Ray and Yolanda's car, they discuss the fact that they've been dating five years, but it's been long-distance the entire time. Which means there should be quotes around "dating," because really, don't even get me started. Yolanda says that this will be the longest they've ever been together at once. Eric and Jeremy pass the time bantering dully about how they're going to take their $140 to a bar and hit on women. Wow, a whole $140? For the two of you to split with the women you're targeting? That ought to be enough to really impress the ladies! I would certainly never refuse to go home with someone who spent an entire $35 trying to pick me up. As they are passed by Danielle and Dani, they comment, "The hos passed us." Oh. Wonderful. You kiss your mother with that mouth, you fucking asshole? They do go on to call the hos "hot," and say that they can't wait to meet them. I don't know if that's a good idea. It's been known to happen that once you talk to women, their value as hos decreases. Danielle and Dani, meanwhile, are not talking about these nimrods, but are instead discussing the fact that they want to go to Brazil. Danielle (I think) also wants a brush and some makeup.

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