Amazing Race
Here We Go, Baby, Off To Win A Million Bucks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Brazil nuts

The teams get out of their trucks and approach the starting line as Phil gives the traditional "brains, brawn, and teamwork" speech. Of course, BJ and Tyler can't just walk toward the starting line; they have to march, doing their Ministry of Silly Walks routine, because no time is the wrong time to try to focus attention entirely on yourself. That is going to tire me out incredibly quickly. Oh, wait -- it already has. And then Phil looks right into the camera and gives the eyebrow pop. Oh, Phil.

We next find Phil at the starting line with the teams. They face him as he stands a few steps above them at the amphitheater. He is explaining that they'll be leaving shortly. He talks about completing tasks, and dividing the race into legs, and the limited amount of money they're going to have and so forth. And at eight of the pit stops, the last team in will be eliminated. But you knew that. They'll start by running over to get their bags and read their clue, and then they'll hop into the waiting cars and go. He doesn't say what kind of cars they are, which gives me hope that while I'm sure there will be plenty of product placement this season, they have not managed to sell space at every possible juncture, meaning maybe we won't get the Doritos Detour and the Cingular Wireless Roadblock, and maybe -- just maybe -- there won't be any logging onto AOL to retrieve clues. Phil tells them that they will not want to forget: winner gets money! There is lots of cheering, including from teams that clearly have about as much chance of winning as I do, despite the fact that (1) I am not in the cast; (2) the race is already over; (3) I am slow; and (4) I have a poor enough sense of direction to have once driven to the wrong city, as I have mentioned. "The world is waiting for you...good luck...travel safe..." More eyebrow poppage. "Go!" Oh, I do love the part where they run by Phil. It's always the part where I am reminded that no matter what they do to fuck up this show, I will still like it, and I will still watch it, and part of me will always be so happy to see it return -- especially from a disaster like last season -- that I almost kiss my remote.

Teams tear up the stairs of the amphitheater until they reach their waiting bags. Ray and Yolanda and BJ and Tyler seem to be the early ones to arrive. They rip the clue, and Yolanda reads that they are flying to Sao Paulo, Brazil. A montage of teams reads that you'll get there and find the Unique Hotel and get another clue. There are three flights. One American, one United, and one Continental. Seats are limited, first-come first-served...you know the drill. And you have $140 for the leg. Teams gradually gather their stuff and go, some complaining about the altitude. Lake immediately takes Michelle's pack, which is not a good sign. Never Flo your own wife.

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Amazing Race

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