Amazing Race

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M. Giant: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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The Squid and the Fail

Jen and Kisha are in their elaborate costumes, so now they have to go out onstage and present themselves to the opera master, an elaborate figure himself in gold robes and long white mustaches. They bow, and get their clue.

Too late, because Victor and Tammy have already found the U-Turn sign, inside a room off the main opera house. Check out this description from Frommers.com: "To the right of the main entrance is a small museum filled with old opera robes and photos of famous performers (including the legendary Mei Lanfang), probably interesting only to aficionados." There's about to be a lot more interest in this room, I can tell you, but that's some time from now. "We're U-Turning Jen and Kisha," Victor announces. "Sorry, I can't outrun you!" they write on Jen and Kisha's photo after sticking it up on the sign. Victor interviews that they had decided in advance to U-Turn Jen and Kisha, who they think would have U-Turned them given the chance. Which is odd, because weren't they standing right there when Kisha and Jen had that meltdown with Margie and Luke on the mat in Guilin? Or did they cunningly replace themselves with cardboard cutouts when things started getting awkward? It would certainly explain a lot. Having sandbagged the sisters, they turn and pull the clue out of the clue box standing right there. They're being sent to Dong Hua Men Yi Shi Market, which looks like a row of food stands where they'll find the next clue. "We're hoping that our U-Turn works and they're eliminated this leg," Tammy says in the cab. Well, yeah, if you U-Turn someone, it's not like you're going to want to hang out with them. That's a good way to be held accountable, you know.

Of course, before that happens, Kisha and Jen have to find the U-Turn sign. But now they're coming out of the Opera House yelling in all directions in terrible Mandarin as they run along the sidewalk. Power-line notes of It's Right Behind You, Idiots accompany the shot of the place they're supposed to be.

Margie has finished up with Luke, and he really doesn't look any better than she does. Shut up, Margie. She snipes at him as he tries to help her into her costume. Shut up some more, Margie. Not for the first time, I wonder if Luke's deafness isn't a lifestyle choice.

Jaime and Cara have arrived at the opera house. But Jaime doesn't see a marked path. Nor do I see the right opera house. Instead of looking at a traditional-style building in an urban setting, we're looking at a low silver dome isolated on a hill, which any idiot knows is the National Opera. They get inside and are quickly set straight, with Jaime predictably snarling, "Stupid taxi driver" as they walk back to the street to find a new cab. Hey, lady, you were the ones who communicated your destination with a high C. Anyway, they have no way of knowing this, and I only know because of Google maps, but it's only about seven minutes away from the right opera house. But why pass up an opportunity to berate a cabbie, as Jaime always says.

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Amazing Race

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