Amazing Race
He Can't Swim, But He Can Eat Cow Lips

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
The Longest Philimination
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Pardon My Hangover; I've Been On A Fender Bender: Dustin and Kandice crinkled the hood of their car like a cocktail napkin, but still finished first, because defensive driving is not important when you are pretty. They were, however, sadly out of the running for the title of Miss Intact Bumper 2006. Tyler and James had all the sense of direction of a cooked potato, but they finished second, because they were smart enough to figure out that it wasn't for nothing that "the salt mines" are a metaphorically unproductive workplace. Rob and Kimberly killed their car entirely, but they finished third, because they were born with a healthy ability to declare a party dead as soon as they arrive at it. Erwin and Godwin faithfully hung with their alliance and finished fourth, which one would hope made them feel virtuous, since it didn't make them work especially efficiently. Lyn and Karlyn did not excel in the leg overall, but they were good enough to beat Dave and Mary, and they finished fifth. And Dave and Mary...well, they finished last, but they were not Philiminated, because the show is playing with them like a kitten with a ball of string, and they will not be untangled until fate is good and ready. So this week, there are still six teams left. Who will be

Credits. Even my mother -- my very generous, very kind mother -- has noticed that the monkey looks just like Rob. That is quite an indictment of one's fundamentally simian nature.

Commercials. You know, whichever advertising executive decided people would find it adorable to watch fat green monsters in a Mucinex commercial -- or, for that matter, to name a cold medicine "Mucinex" -- really should get a big, big raise. That's up there with "Vagisil" for names that provide no information, but plenty of cause for squirming. And why would you ask stuffed-up people to pronounce "Mucinex"? It's only going to come out "Bucidex" when they ask for it at the pharmacy. Cruel mockery at its finest. Damn corporate weasels.

Happy guitar music, soon joined by Phil, announces that we are on the apparently very jaunty island of Mauritius, the motto of which seems to be It's Always Saturday Somewhere. The island is off the eastern coast of Africa, in case you already forgot, which you probably did. It was "formed eons ago" by hard-working volcanoes, and it is well-known for being an extremely beautiful place that is often pronounced incorrectly. (See also: Oregon.) On the south side of the island, we are at a sugar plantation acting as this week's pit stop. As Phil shows it to us, he is standing in a particularly aggressive "Ahoy, mateys" posture, feet apart, hands on hips, chest thrust forward. Methinks Phil has been taking some extra vitamins, since he looks ready for a lion-wrestling match. Phil wonders whether the BQs will keep on doing well by shoving away all help and going through on their own, and whether the *wins and *lyns can help the marked-for-Philimination Dave and Mary avoid last place. I think, in the *lyns' case, that he should be wondering whether they really want to help Dave and Mary avoid last place. I'm thinking Karlyn cares only minimally. It's not race friends; it's race business!

3:00 AM. Dustin and Kandice. The clue says they're traveling to Madagascar, which Phil says is 700 miles away. Barely a jump! Phil says that they have to search for a statue called the Black Angel. The trick is that this "local landmark" has recently been painted white, probably because of hegemony. The BQs note that the clue does not specifically say that they have to take the same car, probably because TPTB failed to adequately plan for anyone getting in a wreck and then try to dump their fuck-up off on someone else. So, seeing the loophole that's been left, they leave the car they wrecked for someone else to deal with and take a different one. I can't explain it, but that really rubbed me the wrong way. I've defended all their much-maligned maneuvering up to this point, but the idea of leaving something you specifically are responsible for to be somebody else's problem isn't quite the same in spirit as just trying to get ahead on your own. I mean, most of these clues say "drive yourselves." If this happened in the middle of a leg, would it be kosher to take somebody else's car at the end of a task because yours wasn't working?

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Amazing Race




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