Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now!
Screw U

Louie and Michael are still moving the ice cream sandwiches, and have gotten rid of ten by now. Michael's working the crowd hard.

Caite nearly has a spontaneous orgasm upon reaching the park with the U-Turn sign, with no pictures on it. Phil explains how U-Turns can appear at the end of a Detour, and are designed to let one team slow down another by making them go back and do the Detour option they didn't do. Or, in this case, allow one team to avenge itself for some petty grudge it's holding against another, by making them go back and do the Detour option they didn't do. Phil reminds us that the last U-Turn was a blind one, "But this time, they'll have to put their own picture on the board," Phil warns, "and suffer the consequences of having their identity known." Alas, those consequences will consist of precisely dick. Caite announces their decision to U-Turn Carol and Brandy like she's just been handed a bouquet and a crown. Yes, I said crown. I know they're called tiaras, but apparently the word "tiara" seems to trigger an irrational, long-term berserker rage in the woman. As we're about to see yet again; in an interview, she maintains her position that Carol and Brandy, "this whole race, have just said negative comments to me. "As proof, we get a black-and-white flashback to the first episode, and the story of the lame tiara crack that is apparently the entire history of their alleged mistreatment of her, which Caite has been carrying a grudge for ever since. "Sometimes it does get personal in the race, "Brent says. "They're the ones who brought it on themselves," Caite gloats, like she has no choice. Whatever. She's a whiny asshole. Nine legs of this race, dogged by cameras throughout, and the one example on record of a rude remark from The Lesbians that she knows about is that tiara crack, which, knowing Carol and Brandy's sense of humor, was obviously meant as a joke anyway? I mean, how can Caite Fucking Upton of all people not have any sense of humor about herself whatsoever? She's got a long, hard existence ahead of her if that's the case.

Anyway, now that the high point of the race is behind them (even if they do win [which they won't]), Brent opens the clue that reads, "You're being put in dry dock. " I wish. Phil says they're just going to a shipyard to find their next clue. Brent is feeling almost as good about this as Caite: "They didn't care to try and be friends with us, so I think we made the right choice," he says in the cab. Solid thinking; why slow down either of the teams who have won three legs each, if you can get rid of a team that didn't try to be your friend instead?

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Amazing Race




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