Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Brent and Caite wander around inside the building some more, then find Allan Wu out front. "You're the first lady I've seen. Good luck," Allan Wu tells Caite. I assume he means the first lady racer he's seen today, not the first lady he's seen ever, unless he's from a part of Asia I don't know about. They also decide on the drums, but it's all secondary to going after The Lesbians.

"He's a very handsome man, he's hard to miss," Carol says as she and Brandy walk down a stairwell inside the building. What kind of lesbian is she, anyway? Plus, Carol knows all the Amazing Race hosts? Although I guess it's not exactly going out on a limb to say they're all probably handsome. Brandy peeks out the window and sees him sitting down there in the front garden with his back to them, and they figure he's the guy. "We've been looking for you," they say when they find him. He looks at them over his sunglasses, a gesture that for some reason is accompanied by the sound of the fail-gong. Maybe that's just the show's way of pointing out that this guy can't do the eyebrow. Carol and Brandy agree to pound the drums, not thrilled to be in dead last. But what about Allan Wu? For all we know, he's got a mat of his own to get to today.

The Cowboys reach Speakers' Corner first and tell their cabbie they'll be right back. "I hope we're right back," one of them says as they run into the park. Miss Team USA arrives next, followed by the Detectives. When the Cowboys enter the park, a young drum troupe is performing on the stage of the park's bandshell, complete with dancing dragons. The Cowboys run up to a group of three drums on the park's green, one for each of them and one manned by a local tween boy who's going to be teaching them. He starts pounding out the rhythm, which from what we hear is pretty basic except for a few taps to the side of the drum instead of the head at certain points. He starts teaching them, slowing it down enough to count out the beats for them. It doesn't seem to be helping, even though he's counting in English. Caite, meanwhile, is shaking her ass while she drums to help her with the rhythm. "Can't sing worth crap, but I'm really good with rhythm," she interviews. No word on how good she is at counting, but I think we can guess.

Carol and Brandy's cab drops them off, and they arrive at the park to see three other teams already there learning their routines . "Dammit to hell," Brandy says. Of course, they can't see how badly Louie and Michael are sucking at this. "I have absolutely no rhythm, I can't dance, I'm as white as white can be," Michael interviews. Which explains why they picked this Detour, right? Carol and Brandy's teacher turns out to be a preteen savant who rattles off the cadence at high speed with dead eyes. "He's smoking crack!" Brandy says, and they ask him to slow down. He does, but he still won't count out loud for them, so Brandy wants to switch teachers. "Thank you very much, you're fabulous," Carol tells him as they leave him to it. He's left standing there shrugging his drumsticks, like What? Louie and Michael are also leaving their instructor, but in their case it's because they feel they have no hope of completing this at all. So they decide to try for the Fast Forward, which is just about the dumbest move possible. "The only one we gotta worry about is Daniel and Jordan," Michael says, deluding himself into thinking they might have chosen ice cream. Because Fast Forwards are generally in such low demand.

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Amazing Race

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