Amazing Race
Donkeys Have Souls, Too

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Smack That Ass

Now, they're all in their semicircle on the Playboy Lawn Of Debauchery, where Phil is explaining that they'll be leaving shortly. He tells them that there are eleven pit stops and eight elimination points, last person to an elimination point is eliminated...er, obviously. First clue is with your luggage. The first person to finish the race after all eleven legs will win a million dollars! As usual, the teams all react as if they've just learned for the first time that a cash prize would be involved. But Phil is ready to send them on their way. The world is waiting for you. Good luck. Travel safe. Go. Aside from the lack of a discernible eyebrow shout-out, it was a very good intro, Phil.

The teams run to their backpacks, and the sound guys do a great job of matching up the "brrrump!" sounds in the music to the ripping of several clues, which is one of the things they do that I always like, because it always gets my little adrenaline rush going. The clue instructs the teams to fly to Shannon, Ireland. They run to the cars, not apparently realizing, really, that the cars are all in a line, so they're going to have to wait for everyone in front of them. Donald and Nicolas wind up in the lead car, which makes nobody happy, because Donald sits there and counts the money. Hey, grandpa's no fool. Scrooge cheated him out of a Christmas goose once. Other people decide to lean on their horns, which is...hey, geniuses, you're all in a line. Whether you all take off together now or a minute from now, it doesn't matter. They have a few things to learn about the "racing" concept. The camera actually pulls back to show Phil, standing on the lawn and looking somewhat disdainfully at the line of cars, though it's not clear whether he's baffled by the not moving or by the honking. He kind of looks like either way, he's thinking, "So...it's arseholes, then." Finally, everybody pulls out of the mansion on the way to LAX.

Credits. Man, that volleyball Nathan gently taps to Jennifer might as well say "I Have No Confidence In Your Ball-Handling Abilities, Honey" on it. [BOMP.]

As Nicolas and Donald hightail it to LAX in first place, Donald interviews that he has a way of being a big talker, so he used to watch the show and tell his wife, "[Expletive], I coulda done that." I totally can't tell what he says. They have expert blurring technology. The teams divide at the first turn, interestingly, and some go right and some go left. Staella, meanwhile, interviews that she doesn't think they'll have friends, because of Ari's tendency to "tell it to you like it is," which, as you know, is reality talk for "Ari is an jackass whiner." Keeeeping it real! And along here, Kynt busts out the expression "Oh my Goth," which, again, is something that doesn't strike me as a particularly Goth thing to do. Of all the things I've ever seen and/or been exposed to about Goth kids, "affinity for corny puns about being Goth" has never been one of the main traits. (All of a sudden, I really want to see a long scene between Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen, called, "You Know How I Know You're Goth?")

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Amazing Race

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